To All The Women Who Have Never Been Loved Before

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I finally agreed to watch To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before the other day. I know I am a little late to jump on this movie wagon; it’s just that I have never been a fan of romantic comedies. But my sisters and I have probably watched everything on Netflix throughout the quarantine, and that movie—and its sequel—are the only ones left for us to see.

To give the film a fair chance, I tried to absorb the plot entirely. I did not even pick up my phone the entire time. And the longer the minutes passed by, the more I realized my life was not too different from that of Lara Jean.

For the record, I did not spend my childhood days writing letters to my crushes. However, like Lara Jean, I never had a boyfriend during high school—or college, in my case. I had male friends, but no one looked at me romantically. While my classmates would always receive flowers or chocolates from their admirers, I would get nothing.

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Nonetheless, I realized sooner than later that there’s no reason to feel inferior because of that. So, to all the women who have never been loved before, I say:

Give It Time

Some people think that love should come when they feel like being in a relationship. That typically happens when they see or are surrounded by sweet couples all the time. In hopes of speeding things up, they go on one blind date after another and join dating apps to meet new folks.

Although I have nothing against the latter, rushing to find love will do you no good. Doing that makes you susceptible to entertaining the wrong kind of men or women. When you commit to them, you may not notice the arrival of the right person in your life. 

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There Is Nothing Wrong With You

I must admit that I used to ask my friends why nobody has ever shown interest in dating me. Their answer has always varied between “Your achievements and looks can be intimidating” or “You need to dress up more.” However, I typically shrug in response.

It is not because I am insensitive or don’t want to have a boyfriend. In truth, I get what my friends are saying—most men are into docile and pretty women. But I don’t think that there is anything wrong with my self-confidence or clothing choice. If it intimidates them, then they may not be for me.

That should be the way you react to similar comments, too. When people tell you what you should change in your behavior to be more likable, pay them no mind. It is not a fault to want to be who you are; it will not deter your soulmate from coming near you. Considering it still has not happened, it may mean that you haven’t come across “the one” yet. 

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Work On Completing Yourself

A perk of being single—whether you like it or not—is that you can work on becoming a whole individual. You get to figure out what genuinely makes you happy and what you want in life. You don’t need to worry about anyone else; you can focus on yourself.

Once the right person comes, you can enter the relationship with a clear head. You may fall head over heels, but you are already whole before your coupling, so they cannot do anything that will shatter your soul. 

A Word For The Wise Women Out There

You are free to open opportunities for finding love, but it is unnecessary to look for it like your life depends on it. Even if you have never been loved by a man before, your family and friends love you anyway. Just keep on fulfilling your goals and be the best person you can be.

Cheers!