Your partner has ADHD. So what? A behavioral issue may be complicated, but it can be managed. The stress and anxiety associated with ADHD must not ruin two people who are in love. With that, here are some insights on how you two can work on your relationship, amidst the issues and complications.
Tips For The Non-ADHD Partner:
- Your spouse’s ADHD cannot be controlled, but your response is controllable. Avoid continually criticizing them as it will get you nowhere.
- Always be encouraging to your partner.
- Don’t focus too much on their actions but focus on their intentions.
- Nagging and micromanaging them can only discourage your partner.
Tips For The Partner With ADHD:
- Don’t pretend that your symptoms aren’t affecting the relationship or that it’s just your partner’s fault. Be self-aware.
- It’s up to you to manage your symptoms through treatment.
- Calm yourself down when emotions are running high before talking
- Always make your partner feel loved.
Stop Fighting And Start Communicating.
Miscommunication is what makes couples fight rather than solve the issue. To have better communication, make sure that you and your partner have cool heads. Don’t talk when both of you are running high on emotions. This way you’ll find the root of the issue.
Example: A non-ADHD husband comes home hungry, but there’s no dinner yet. He feels uncared for because of how his wife tends to be irresponsible. The wife in return feels judged and criticized. Solving this problem will be easier if you address the main issue first. The husband should know that the wife’s lateness isn’t part of her character but rather a symptom of ADHD. The wife should understand that her husband would appreciate her making dinner on time.
Don’t Bottle Up Your Emotions.
Even if it’s ugly, you have to be honest with your partner. Try to talk to your partner about your feelings since bottling it up will cause so many issues, both physical and mental. Just take a deep breath and release the bad air out. Breathe in and breathe out before you two talk. Sit down and face each other while you talk – no raising your voice.
You’re Not A Mind Reader.
Don’t assume what your partner thinks of you. If you’re upset about something, talk to them rather than making assumptions. Talking is the only way to communicate, with or without ADHD effectively. But again, talking must be done appropriately. No fighting and no shouting. Keep your cool and be calm when speaking to your partner. If you must raise a point, then fight fair.
Word yourself in a way that it won’t make your partner defensive. Be sensitive to him or her as much as you can handle. Some words spoken on impulse or out of context can hurt your partner deeply. It will not fix your situation by being like that.
Find Humor When A Situation Gets Heated.
One day you’ll laugh at these misunderstandings. Try doing it sooner than later. There is no need to keep the pride up by insisting that you are right all the time.
Having an ADHD adult partner is a circus life, but as with the circus, the rides can be so fun at times. You will feel alive when you are with this person. But if the ADHD symptoms act up, and it will creep up when you least expect it, remember the tips mentioned here.