To All The Women Who Have Never Been Loved Before

to-all-the-women-who-have-never-been-loved-before
Source: pexels.com

I finally agreed to watch To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before the other day. I know I am a little late to jump on this movie wagon; it’s just that I have never been a fan of romantic comedies. But my sisters and I have probably watched everything on Netflix throughout the quarantine, and that movie—and its sequel—are the only ones left for us to see.

To give the film a fair chance, I tried to absorb the plot entirely. I did not even pick up my phone the entire time. And the longer the minutes passed by, the more I realized my life was not too different from that of Lara Jean.

For the record, I did not spend my childhood days writing letters to my crushes. However, like Lara Jean, I never had a boyfriend during high school—or college, in my case. I had male friends, but no one looked at me romantically. While my classmates would always receive flowers or chocolates from their admirers, I would get nothing.

to-all-the-women-who-have-never-been-loved-before
Source: pexels.com

Nonetheless, I realized sooner than later that there’s no reason to feel inferior because of that. So, to all the women who have never been loved before, I say:

Give It Time

Some people think that love should come when they feel like being in a relationship. That typically happens when they see or are surrounded by sweet couples all the time. In hopes of speeding things up, they go on one blind date after another and join dating apps to meet new folks.

Although I have nothing against the latter, rushing to find love will do you no good. Doing that makes you susceptible to entertaining the wrong kind of men or women. When you commit to them, you may not notice the arrival of the right person in your life. 

to-all-the-women-who-have-never-been-loved-before
Source: pexels.com

There Is Nothing Wrong With You

I must admit that I used to ask my friends why nobody has ever shown interest in dating me. Their answer has always varied between “Your achievements and looks can be intimidating” or “You need to dress up more.” However, I typically shrug in response.

It is not because I am insensitive or don’t want to have a boyfriend. In truth, I get what my friends are saying—most men are into docile and pretty women. But I don’t think that there is anything wrong with my self-confidence or clothing choice. If it intimidates them, then they may not be for me.

That should be the way you react to similar comments, too. When people tell you what you should change in your behavior to be more likable, pay them no mind. It is not a fault to want to be who you are; it will not deter your soulmate from coming near you. Considering it still has not happened, it may mean that you haven’t come across “the one” yet. 

to-all-the-women-who-have-never-been-loved-before
Source: pexels.com

Work On Completing Yourself

A perk of being single—whether you like it or not—is that you can work on becoming a whole individual. You get to figure out what genuinely makes you happy and what you want in life. You don’t need to worry about anyone else; you can focus on yourself.

Once the right person comes, you can enter the relationship with a clear head. You may fall head over heels, but you are already whole before your coupling, so they cannot do anything that will shatter your soul. 

A Word For The Wise Women Out There

You are free to open opportunities for finding love, but it is unnecessary to look for it like your life depends on it. Even if you have never been loved by a man before, your family and friends love you anyway. Just keep on fulfilling your goals and be the best person you can be.

Cheers!

Finding Love Online Amid Coronavirus Outbreak

finding-love-online-amid-coronavirus-outbreak
Source: rawpixel.com

Finding love has never been a cakewalk for me. For one, since I started writing freelance, I always worked from home. There was seldom a chance for me to meet other people. I even had to rely on the blind dates set up by my friends to see anyone.

Another problem that I have been told one too many times is that I give off an intimidating aura. I have never done that on purpose; I am never crass towards the people I come across with, either. What everyone around me says is that my high confidence level can make any potential suitor back off instantly.

Even though I try to seem less intimidating than usual, my efforts have become futile these days. It’s no thanks to the quarantine order that is still in motion in my state. If I used to be able to meet people over the weekend, now I can’t even see my parents who live two blocks away.

Out of curiosity and lack of love, therefore, I decided to try online dating. I thought, “Many people go on virtual dates because of the outbreak. Why can’t I do the same?” Among the guys I have swiped right for, one of them stood out.

finding-love-online-amid-coronavirus-outbreak
Source: rawpixel.com

His name is Levy. He is tall, smart, and handsome—everything I want to see in a man who I want to date. But is he the one?

The Struggle

I FaceTime with Levy almost every day ever since we started chatting. We try to get to know each other little by little. And each time we express our hopes of meeting in person real soon.

The latter is challenging to do right now because Levy lives in Belgium, where there is an ongoing travel ban due to the coronavirus outbreak. That means no one can go in or out of the country, so we have no choice but to wait until this regulation eases up.

Frankly speaking, I am not used to this setup. I have never dated online before; there have been a few awkward silent moments, too. Despite that, Levy wants our budding relationship to work as much as I do, so we are both getting out of our comfort zones to make it happen. I am grateful for him for that, no doubt.

finding-love-online-amid-coronavirus-outbreak
Source: rawpixel.com

The situation forces me to recall what my parents always say when you find “the one.”

Your Heart Beats Fast When You Hear Their Voice

I have never experienced it before, but my heart beats faster than usual whenever Levy talks to me. Even a little “Hi!” from him makes my heart flutter.

Your Day Feels Incomplete Without Seeing That Person

Levy and I have only been dating online for a couple of months, but I feel sad when I don’t get to see his face at the end of the day. Though I don’t intend to be clingy, I can’t help but feel that way.

You Can Envision Your Future Together

Yes! That is a big ‘yes’! I know a lot of people don’t seem to approve of it, thinking that it is nothing but an illusion. However, every time we see each other via FaceTime, it is effortless to imagine us together for a long time.

finding-love-online-amid-coronavirus-outbreak
Source: rawpixel.com

Final Thoughts

I am not turning my back on the fact that it’s too early to tell if Levy is “the one” for me. We more than like each other so far, and our values appear to align. Those are two critical factors in a lasting relationship, and I know that, but we are only planning when to meet at the time of writing this blog.

Hopefully, when that occurs, the initial spark that we have will transform into a full-on flame. That’s when I can say that love can genuinely be found online.

Assertiveness In Building Relationships

Source: pxhere.com

Being assertive is one way to build a healthy relationship. This can be any type of relationship – personal, work or business, or purely social. Assertiveness gives you the opportunity to deliver your message and opinion successfully. Essential features of assertiveness include being an honest and free expression of behavior, expressing feelings and demonstrating an attitude without violating other peoples’ rights while upholding one’s privacy and respecting their own opinions too. To stand up to your point of view is being confidently assertive. Being self- assured can increase confidence and respect from others. It leads other people to accept you for who you are and to see you as a good being.

Continue reading “Assertiveness In Building Relationships”

Losing Your Self-Esteem? Here Are Tips To Conquer It

A commonly held belief about lack of success is insufficient confidence  to go after success.  Another is a perception of  low self-esteem holding one back. — Colleen Mullen, PsyD LMFT

Self-esteem is one factor that defines a person. Abraham Maslow indicated in his Human Needs Theory that this should be accomplished before reaching the last stage which is self-actualization. Failure to do so can lead to some psychological abnormalities that can also affect the person’s lives and those around them. Building self-esteem is a life-long process. It should start as early as childhood and extends although out of adulthood.  If you are having some problems with your self-confidence, read more on how to develop your self-esteem. 

Source: flickr.com

Continue reading “Losing Your Self-Esteem? Here Are Tips To Conquer It”

Five Ways To Make New Relationship Work

New relationships can be exciting, and the feeling of being in-love is at times, overwhelming and uncontainable to the point of saturating the relationships and your partner with too much even though the relationship status is somewhat ambiguous or in the early stage. While there are much advice and tips on how to maintain relationships and how to handle problems along the way, it is also good to address the do’s and don’ts of new relationships.

The problem is that people rarely perceive themselves accurately.  What actually blocks a person from achieving their goals is fear. — Colleen Mullen, PsyD LMFT 

Source: pixabay.com

Continue reading “Five Ways To Make New Relationship Work”

Counseling On Finding Self-Confidence

Looking outside the self and treating the illusory reflection as a mirror is the first problem. — Donna Rockwell, Psy.D.

Self-actualization determines the core of our existence. It is the phase in our lives where we evaluate how far we have become in our pursuit of success in life. Self- actualization enables us to evaluate how we were able to bring out the best in us and maximized our potentials in accomplishing every goal we have set for ourselves. It gives us a sense of fulfillment and purpose in life. 

Source: commons.wikimedia.org

Continue reading “Counseling On Finding Self-Confidence”

Seeking Psychiatric Help With Self-Improvement Issues

The most important relationship for us to develop is the one we share with ourselves. — Genevieve Gellert, LSW

We are all a work in progress with an end in mind of becoming a better version of ourselves. However, as we work things out for our personal growth and development, it is inevitable for us to experience some ordeals in life. These trials determine our endurance; they can make or break us.

Source: pixabay.com

Continue reading “Seeking Psychiatric Help With Self-Improvement Issues”

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on Self Help

It is part of becoming human to experience problems in life, to be familiar with pain and become acquainted with struggles. All these tribulations demand to be felt and get over them. On the other hand, we are responsible for our life; we take accountability on how we live our lives. With this, the only person that can determine our success in life is ourselves, thus above everyone else, we should make sure that we can help ourselves.

Source: flickr.com

Continue reading “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on Self Help”

When Your Husband Leaves, It Can Be A Blessing

when-your-husband-leaves-it-can-be-a-blessing-1

Source: pixabay.com

I know that in our society, the woman who is left behind bears all the shame and humiliation. “Oh, you know. Henry left Lisa because she doesn’t know how to cook.” I also heard someone say something like this about me – “Lisa is not a pious woman. That is why Henry was weak. His wife wasn’t that Godly.” I don’t know where they get these stories, like as if they know so much about me, and they judge me just like that. “Lisa is fat. Lisa is lazy. Lisa is not a good mother. Lisa is not working. Lisa is working. Lisa is not talented. Lisa is NOT in EVERYTHING! No wonder Henry left Lisa for a younger woman, right? It’s because Lisa is a worthless being. Lisa is nothing.

Some sayings might be well-intended, but that doesn’t make them true, let alone easy to hear. Case in point: “You can’t find love until you learn to love yourself.” — Vicki Botnick, MA, MS, LMFT

For weeks after Henry left me, that was my mindset. I was broke, and a housewife since Henry didn’t like me working. And now, I was shocked when my daughter told me that the new woman is a lawyer. Henry hired her for one of his contracts for business, and boom! They made the relationship prosper. And here comes Lisa – fat, frumpy, moneyless, and ugly at forty-five years old. Who would want that?

How could Henry do this to me? How could he forget all our hardships and sacrifices together as a couple? I even helped him with his business when he started it. I was with him when he had nothing until he had a lot. And he told me that I had to take care of the girls while he took care of us. That was how we planned it. But this, now. He left me, and he hates me. Why is Henry doing this to me?

when-your-husband-leaves-it-can-be-a-blessing-2

Source: pixabay.com

It is a blessing that I am a great mother. Yes, the gossipmongers said I was not a good mother – that’s because I am a GREAT mother! My daughters took time off from their work and traveled hours to be with me and plan everything out – on how I will rebuild myself again.

First, they brought me to a lawyer for advice. Next, they took me to a salon. The hairstylist cut my hair and colored it. They also gave me a mani-pedi. Then, we had lunch, and there, my children poured out their plan.

Social support allows us to feel cared for and lets us know there are people in our lives who can help us when we need it. — Genevieve Gellert, LSW

“Mom, Dad will not get away with this. I saw a note in the attic. It was a promise to pay note by you and Dad to Uncle Mervin. It was to capitalize on his business. It stated there mom that you two are business partners. You will get money from that, and we don’t care whatever loophole he has against you.”

My children facilitated the case while I took a step back and renewed my soul. I went to therapy and also joined a local yoga class. All of it, my girls foot in the bill. “Mom, we got you. We will never leave you alone, mom.”
I’m not in for the money with Henry, although my daughters believed that I deserved half of everything he owns. I want to start over and move past the depressive state that I was in for I love myself now. I refuse to go down the drain.

when-your-husband-leaves-it-can-be-a-blessing-3

Source: pixabay.com

Self-care helps trauma survivors discover how to calm themselves and find healthier relationships. — Robyn E. Brickel, M.A., LMFT

When you believe in yourself, you will fight and move on from the heartaches of life. And that’s what I did. I thought that I had to live a life that I wanted and if that meant being away from Henry, then, so be it.

Update:
I was awarded half of what he owned, royalties in the business, one of his cars, and the house!