Bulletproofing Your Mental Health Through Grit And Resilience

A crucial aspect of mental health involves being able to handle yourself through bad times. Given all the uncertainties of life, there will be moments where you feel that you’re at the lowest point of your life. The ability to remain strong will help you thrive even in the harshest environments. How does one build grit and resilience, though? Contrary to what most people believe, mental strength is a skill that you can hone through deliberate practice.

Understanding Resilience

Grit and resilience are closely related, but they have slightly different definitions. Grit refers to your ability to maintain your interest to pursue a long-term goal, especially in the face of hardship. For example, a gritty salesperson will keep on following leads, and closing deals with passion even after a string of rejections. While being a difficult skill to hone, grit gives people the perseverance to chase after what they want in life. 

Resilience refers more to how people respond after encountering an obstacle. Resilient people can bounce back better after a setback as they continue pursuing their goals. Resilience relies on an optimistic mindset and a perspective on obstacles as learning opportunities towards growth.

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The Growth Mindset

One of the critical characteristics of people with grit and resilience is that they have a growth mindset. People with this mental disposition believe that skills can improve through effort. They think of obstacles as temporary hurdles that they can eventually overcome through their actions. They might even welcome adversity, given that they believe that challenges will only make them stronger and better.

This mindset is directly in contrast with the fixed mindset. People under this category think that skills are determined purely by genetics and external circumstances out of their control. Hence, they don’t see the value of putting effort towards skill-building.

Having the growth mindset correlates with having grit and resilience. It’s because people with this outlook have a stronger belief in their ability to control their situation. They tend to persist in finding ways to gain new skills. As they develop, they would then eventually surpass the obstacles blocking their path towards success.

Developing Grit

People naturally have varying amounts of grit. However, it is still a skill that you can develop. You can start by assessing how resilient you are right now. How much do you persist in solving problems, even if there’s no assurance that you’ll succeed? Can you push through with what you need to do even if you have no motivation?

One way to practice grit is to become more decisive. Having to make a decision is usually a struggle for many people. While there’s no need to make rash judgments, develop the discipline of pushing through after you’ve made a decision.

It also helps to decouple your actions from your motivation. Many people schedule their lives based on when and how they feel motivated. While this is a great tip for optimizing performance, you won’t always have your motivation to back you up.

Practice doing activities based on discipline, such as by following strict schedules for working. You should get used to doing work even if you feel like doing something else. Fighting the temptation to slack off is a great way to develop grit.

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It also helps to focus only on circumstances that you can control. People often spend too much time and energy on people and events that they can’t influence. This method will only drain your wellbeing and make you more inefficient. Instead of fussing over every little thing, you should direct your attention to what’s within your circle of control.

Managing Stress

While gritty people might seem to have unbeatable mental strength, resilience is often more about avoiding unnecessary stress than forcing yourself to fight stress. Adequate stress management also bolsters your mental fortitude, allowing you to become more resilient.

Being optimistic about the situations in your life is a good start for managing stress. While hope and positive thinking won’t solve all your problems, they will help you latch on to your emotional strength even during the worst moments. Always believe in the reasonable outcomes that can appear, even if it seems that there’s no hope.

While grittiness allows you to push through distractions, being gritty doesn’t mean that you have to be productive every waking moment. Find time to balance your life through self-care and leisure activities. Willpower is a limited resource, even for people with high grit. A balanced lifestyle allows you to recharge so that you’re ready for anything. 

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Embracing Adversity

A significant part of resilience involves having an attitude that embraces challenges. Rather than shying from adversity, resilient people actively seek to expand beyond their comfort zones. They avoid fruitless struggle, but they aren’t afraid to take on challenging tasks or try unfamiliar activities if it brings them closer to their goals.

Finally, you should never lose sight of your overall goals. What are you targeting in the long run? By focusing on your life objectives, you’re more apt to continue striving until you obtain success.

Grit and resilience are powerful traits that can make you mentally healthy. While people think of these two as personality traits, they are also skills that you can harness through practice and hard work. By adopting the appropriate mindsets and developing a healthy appetite for challenges, you can start fortifying your mental health with grit and resilience.

 

Helpful Tips In Improving The Family Relationship

It is inevitable for a family to have quarrels and misunderstandings from time-to-time. In a way, resolving these problems is what makes a relationship stronger as time passes. While family quarrels are normal and harmless most of the time, it can escalate if not appropriately addressed.

If you think there is a strain in your family’s relationship, you can start improving this by slowing down. Start by observing your surroundings and being aware of what matters. After doing that, you will have a clearer mind on following these tips:

Listening Is Key

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Communication is typically one of the biggest problems in most households. “Why won’t anyone listen to me?” While you are having these thoughts, other members of your family may think the same thing. Before asking this question, try assessing the situation. Maybe you’re being blinded by your feelings that in the end, you’re also doing the same thing — you’re also not listening. If you get into an argument, try to be calm and keep the conversation reasonable. 

Listening is one of the most critical elements of fostering better communication. It means that you’re showing interest in what your family member has to say.

How can you become an active listener?

  • Focus your attention on the conversation
  • Do not suddenly interrupt when the other person is talking
  • Clarify your understanding of what they said before making a statement
  • Make eye contact 

Talk to your spouse and children regularly about what’s happening in their daily lives. You will be surprised how there are still many things that you previously didn’t know about them. It will not take much of your time in a day to hold conversations with your family. But that time you invest in having a conversation will have a positive effect on your relationship. 

Be Supportive

Another essential part of having a healthy family bond is feeling supported by your family. In order to build a strong sense of support, you must learn what the things significant to each family member are. It goes down in being able to share good and bad news to the family without fearing what they may think. You must be able to support each other through ups and downs.

Having a supportive family allows children to be more open and genuine with their parents. Creating a space where everyone can freely talk about their thoughts helps foster a supportive environment.

Show Appreciation

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The simple habit of saying “thank you” may go a long way in improving your family’s relationship. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. Unfortunately, if you’re very comfortable with each other, it can be easy to forget this and take each other for granted. 

When showing appreciation, it’s not enough to keep it to yourself; you need to show them in words and actions. Make time to attend the activities that your family member takes part in. Be there to cheer them up and comfort them. Being with them physically and emotionally nourishes the bond, trust, and closeness of the family.

Schedule Family Time

As much as it allows, make way for quality time for the whole family. Ask for their schedules and schedule a date that doesn’t lapse. During this time, you can do fun activities together that everyone enjoys. By doing this regularly, it can become a tradition that everyone anticipates. Here are some fun activities that you can do with your family:

  • Play Games Together 

Playing video games is fine, but also encourage them to have an interest in board games or educational games. 

  • Work Out With Your Family 

On your day-offs, you can hit two birds with one stone with this activity. You get to be active while spending time with your family.

  • Go On Vacation Together 

Plan a vacation that will fit everyone’s schedule. It can be out of the country, out of town, or anywhere you will all enjoy.

Eat Meals Together

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While it can be impossible to hold it regularly, dedicate time for family dinners. When you gather everyone around the dinner table, don’t allow the use of any gadgets. Dinner is a great time to catch up with each other as well as give guidance and motivation.

If dinner doesn’t work with everyone’s schedule, try eating breakfast together before heading to your plans. The key is to gather around and enjoy a meal together free from any disturbance.

Do Chores As A Family

Make chores a part of shared responsibility for the whole family. Assign a duty for each family member that will be their regular task. Reserve time on the weekend when everyone can execute their assigned chore simultaneously.

Doing chores together can promote cooperation and teamwork. For instance, when someone finishes their task early, they can offer help to other family members in completing their tasks. To make doing chores more enticing, give a reward to the family after accomplishing the work. It can be by going out together, watching movies, or a simple snack party.

Get Involved In Your Child’s Interests

Families who have strong bonds support their child’s interests and passions. It doesn’t matter how small your involvement is; the important thing is you support them in little ways.

You don’t need to lead them on what to do; merely showing that you care for their passion can go a long way. If you don’t know what to do, you can ask for your children’s opinion. Let them take the lead and do things on their own. Just be there to supervise them.

Conclusion

Give your utmost love and attention when you’re with your family. Spending more time with them is the first step in improving the family’s relationship. The more you take advantage of these tips for healthy family relationships, the stronger you become.

Family Counseling is also an option. At BetterHelp, you are assured of professional help. They offer professional counseling services that can certainly help you with your thoughts and feelings.

To All The Women Who Have Never Been Loved Before

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I finally agreed to watch To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before the other day. I know I am a little late to jump on this movie wagon; it’s just that I have never been a fan of romantic comedies. But my sisters and I have probably watched everything on Netflix throughout the quarantine, and that movie—and its sequel—are the only ones left for us to see.

To give the film a fair chance, I tried to absorb the plot entirely. I did not even pick up my phone the entire time. And the longer the minutes passed by, the more I realized my life was not too different from that of Lara Jean.

For the record, I did not spend my childhood days writing letters to my crushes. However, like Lara Jean, I never had a boyfriend during high school—or college, in my case. I had male friends, but no one looked at me romantically. While my classmates would always receive flowers or chocolates from their admirers, I would get nothing.

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Nonetheless, I realized sooner than later that there’s no reason to feel inferior because of that. So, to all the women who have never been loved before, I say:

Give It Time

Some people think that love should come when they feel like being in a relationship. That typically happens when they see or are surrounded by sweet couples all the time. In hopes of speeding things up, they go on one blind date after another and join dating apps to meet new folks.

Although I have nothing against the latter, rushing to find love will do you no good. Doing that makes you susceptible to entertaining the wrong kind of men or women. When you commit to them, you may not notice the arrival of the right person in your life. 

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There Is Nothing Wrong With You

I must admit that I used to ask my friends why nobody has ever shown interest in dating me. Their answer has always varied between “Your achievements and looks can be intimidating” or “You need to dress up more.” However, I typically shrug in response.

It is not because I am insensitive or don’t want to have a boyfriend. In truth, I get what my friends are saying—most men are into docile and pretty women. But I don’t think that there is anything wrong with my self-confidence or clothing choice. If it intimidates them, then they may not be for me.

That should be the way you react to similar comments, too. When people tell you what you should change in your behavior to be more likable, pay them no mind. It is not a fault to want to be who you are; it will not deter your soulmate from coming near you. Considering it still has not happened, it may mean that you haven’t come across “the one” yet. 

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Work On Completing Yourself

A perk of being single—whether you like it or not—is that you can work on becoming a whole individual. You get to figure out what genuinely makes you happy and what you want in life. You don’t need to worry about anyone else; you can focus on yourself.

Once the right person comes, you can enter the relationship with a clear head. You may fall head over heels, but you are already whole before your coupling, so they cannot do anything that will shatter your soul. 

A Word For The Wise Women Out There

You are free to open opportunities for finding love, but it is unnecessary to look for it like your life depends on it. Even if you have never been loved by a man before, your family and friends love you anyway. Just keep on fulfilling your goals and be the best person you can be.

Cheers!

Finding Love Online Amid Coronavirus Outbreak

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Finding love has never been a cakewalk for me. For one, since I started writing freelance, I always worked from home. There was seldom a chance for me to meet other people. I even had to rely on the blind dates set up by my friends to see anyone.

Another problem that I have been told one too many times is that I give off an intimidating aura. I have never done that on purpose; I am never crass towards the people I come across with, either. What everyone around me says is that my high confidence level can make any potential suitor back off instantly.

Even though I try to seem less intimidating than usual, my efforts have become futile these days. It’s no thanks to the quarantine order that is still in motion in my state. If I used to be able to meet people over the weekend, now I can’t even see my parents who live two blocks away.

Out of curiosity and lack of love, therefore, I decided to try online dating. I thought, “Many people go on virtual dates because of the outbreak. Why can’t I do the same?” Among the guys I have swiped right for, one of them stood out.

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His name is Levy. He is tall, smart, and handsome—everything I want to see in a man who I want to date. But is he the one?

The Struggle

I FaceTime with Levy almost every day ever since we started chatting. We try to get to know each other little by little. And each time we express our hopes of meeting in person real soon.

The latter is challenging to do right now because Levy lives in Belgium, where there is an ongoing travel ban due to the coronavirus outbreak. That means no one can go in or out of the country, so we have no choice but to wait until this regulation eases up.

Frankly speaking, I am not used to this setup. I have never dated online before; there have been a few awkward silent moments, too. Despite that, Levy wants our budding relationship to work as much as I do, so we are both getting out of our comfort zones to make it happen. I am grateful for him for that, no doubt.

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The situation forces me to recall what my parents always say when you find “the one.”

Your Heart Beats Fast When You Hear Their Voice

I have never experienced it before, but my heart beats faster than usual whenever Levy talks to me. Even a little “Hi!” from him makes my heart flutter.

Your Day Feels Incomplete Without Seeing That Person

Levy and I have only been dating online for a couple of months, but I feel sad when I don’t get to see his face at the end of the day. Though I don’t intend to be clingy, I can’t help but feel that way.

You Can Envision Your Future Together

Yes! That is a big ‘yes’! I know a lot of people don’t seem to approve of it, thinking that it is nothing but an illusion. However, every time we see each other via FaceTime, it is effortless to imagine us together for a long time.

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Final Thoughts

I am not turning my back on the fact that it’s too early to tell if Levy is “the one” for me. We more than like each other so far, and our values appear to align. Those are two critical factors in a lasting relationship, and I know that, but we are only planning when to meet at the time of writing this blog.

Hopefully, when that occurs, the initial spark that we have will transform into a full-on flame. That’s when I can say that love can genuinely be found online.

Assertiveness In Building Relationships

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Being assertive is one way to build a healthy relationship. This can be any type of relationship – personal, work or business, or purely social. Assertiveness gives you the opportunity to deliver your message and opinion successfully. Essential features of assertiveness include being an honest and free expression of behavior, expressing feelings and demonstrating an attitude without violating other peoples’ rights while upholding one’s privacy and respecting their own opinions too. To stand up to your point of view is being confidently assertive. Being self- assured can increase confidence and respect from others. It leads other people to accept you for who you are and to see you as a good being.

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Losing Your Self-Esteem? Here Are Tips To Conquer It

A commonly held belief about lack of success is insufficient confidence  to go after success.  Another is a perception of  low self-esteem holding one back. — Colleen Mullen, PsyD LMFT

Self-esteem is one factor that defines a person. Abraham Maslow indicated in his Human Needs Theory that this should be accomplished before reaching the last stage which is self-actualization. Failure to do so can lead to some psychological abnormalities that can also affect the person’s lives and those around them. Building self-esteem is a life-long process. It should start as early as childhood and extends although out of adulthood.  If you are having some problems with your self-confidence, read more on how to develop your self-esteem. 

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Five Ways To Make New Relationship Work

New relationships can be exciting, and the feeling of being in-love is at times, overwhelming and uncontainable to the point of saturating the relationships and your partner with too much even though the relationship status is somewhat ambiguous or in the early stage. While there are much advice and tips on how to maintain relationships and how to handle problems along the way, it is also good to address the do’s and don’ts of new relationships.

The problem is that people rarely perceive themselves accurately.  What actually blocks a person from achieving their goals is fear. — Colleen Mullen, PsyD LMFT 

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Counseling On Finding Self-Confidence

Looking outside the self and treating the illusory reflection as a mirror is the first problem. — Donna Rockwell, Psy.D.

Self-actualization determines the core of our existence. It is the phase in our lives where we evaluate how far we have become in our pursuit of success in life. Self- actualization enables us to evaluate how we were able to bring out the best in us and maximized our potentials in accomplishing every goal we have set for ourselves. It gives us a sense of fulfillment and purpose in life. 

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Seeking Psychiatric Help With Self-Improvement Issues

The most important relationship for us to develop is the one we share with ourselves. — Genevieve Gellert, LSW

We are all a work in progress with an end in mind of becoming a better version of ourselves. However, as we work things out for our personal growth and development, it is inevitable for us to experience some ordeals in life. These trials determine our endurance; they can make or break us.

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