Assertiveness In Building Relationships


Being assertive is one way to build a healthy relationship. This can be any type of relationship – personal, work or business, or purely social. Assertiveness gives you the opportunity to deliver your message and opinion successfully. Essential features of assertiveness include being an honest and free expression of behavior, expressing feelings and demonstrating an attitude without violating other peoples’ rights while upholding one’s privacy and respecting their own opinions too. To stand up to your point of view is being confidently assertive. Being self- assured can increase confidence and respect from others. It leads other people to accept you for who you are and to see you as a good being.

Held captive by an all-pervasive media and back-to-kindergarten socialization, we learn from the earliest age to look to others to determine our self-worth and deservedness. — Donna Rockwell, Psy.D.

Benefits Of Assertiveness


Assertiveness is not a natural skill to learn. Some people may confuse the behavior as aggression and passivity. Some people may see you as meddling with other peoples’ businesses while the valid reason is that you only want things to get done the right way. Correct assertiveness can lead to successful business partnerships, even between couples. It brings ideas and suggestions into realization, and by doing so, you have exerted a positive and secure connection in the relationship.


When one demonstrates assertiveness in a relationship, some benefits can be gained:


Psychological And Emotionally Well-Balanced. Problems like depression, frustration and resentment, anger issues, and apprehensions are prevented at bay when you demonstrate assertiveness.


Direction And Purpose In Life. A person who is continuously showing assertiveness in his everyday encounters knows what he wants in life; thus, he is making sure that he lay down all his plans to make his dreams come true. Every waking hour is an opportunity to make things happen.

People complain that lack of motivation, personal accountability and consistency holds them back but they often only have vague ideas about what success really looks like. — Colleen Mullen, PsyD LMFT

Conflicts In Relationships Are Prevented. By being assertive, there is no room for pride and wait for the other person to take the initial step to reconcile things. A person who is assertive would want to settle the misunderstanding as soon as it starts, not to begin to fight, but to know what caused it to happen and to discuss steps on how to prevent it from happening again.


Learning How To Become More Assertive

If you are a shy-type kind of person, this will undoubtedly be a big leap. However, this is not to discourage you, instead give you an idea on how to build assertiveness in your way. For a more professional approach, some self-improvement centers offer coaching sessions on how to develop assertiveness.


Understand Yourself And Your Capabilities. Know yourself and your capabilities as a person. List down your good and bad traits and start from there. Your functional characteristics will be your key to build assertiveness, while your bad features can hinder you from doing so. Remember to develop assertive behavior while understanding others’ wants and needs as well.


A sense of acceptance, peace and joy with our self-image is ours to reclaim. We can bring that confidence into all of our relationships. — Robyn E. Brickel, M.A., LMFT

Learn To Assert Yourself Confidently And Pleasantly. Know what you exactly need then set goals to achieve it. Voice out your need positively and thoughtfully. State yourself clearly with a steady voice that’s neither whiney and annoying, to gain favorable response and result. Being bossy is not a positive trait. It may sound like it can get things done, but it can also lose respect from others along the way.


Be Mindful Of Your Responses. In difficult times, remember to express yourself at all times appropriately. During conflicts, we are challenged to stand for ourselves. During confrontations, it takes a lot to act positively. Remember that we are always in control of ourselves if not of the situation. In asserting yourself maintain to be respectful at all times.


Use “I” Statement To Show Assertion. Its owing responsibility to the situation while letting others know how you feel and what your thoughts are on the case.


It’s Alright To Say “No.” Always tell no when necessary, it’s not still possible to please and do something for anyone. Politely refuse and make a brief and clear explanation.


Be Consistent. It may be hard but keep on practicing your skill behaving assertively. You may start with minimal situations, like being assertive with your friends and family members. Then gradually resolve cases outside your comfort zone. Praise yourself for every success with assertiveness.


Being assertive will help us understand ourselves for better communication and self-expression. Other people’s acceptance of our opinion makes us gain self-confidence. Earning respect builds self-esteem that is necessary to win the job and more significant opportunities.