When Your Husband Leaves, It Can Be A Blessing

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I know that in our society, the woman who is left behind bears all the shame and humiliation. “Oh, you know. Henry left Lisa because she doesn’t know how to cook.” I also heard someone say something like this about me – “Lisa is not a pious woman. That is why Henry was weak. His wife wasn’t that Godly.” I don’t know where they get these stories, like as if they know so much about me, and they judge me just like that. “Lisa is fat. Lisa is lazy. Lisa is not a good mother. Lisa is not working. Lisa is working. Lisa is not talented. Lisa is NOT in EVERYTHING! No wonder Henry left Lisa for a younger woman, right? It’s because Lisa is a worthless being. Lisa is nothing.

Some sayings might be well-intended, but that doesn’t make them true, let alone easy to hear. Case in point: “You can’t find love until you learn to love yourself.” — Vicki Botnick, MA, MS, LMFT

For weeks after Henry left me, that was my mindset. I was broke, and a housewife since Henry didn’t like me working. And now, I was shocked when my daughter told me that the new woman is a lawyer. Henry hired her for one of his contracts for business, and boom! They made the relationship prosper. And here comes Lisa – fat, frumpy, moneyless, and ugly at forty-five years old. Who would want that?

How could Henry do this to me? How could he forget all our hardships and sacrifices together as a couple? I even helped him with his business when he started it. I was with him when he had nothing until he had a lot. And he told me that I had to take care of the girls while he took care of us. That was how we planned it. But this, now. He left me, and he hates me. Why is Henry doing this to me?

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It is a blessing that I am a great mother. Yes, the gossipmongers said I was not a good mother – that’s because I am a GREAT mother! My daughters took time off from their work and traveled hours to be with me and plan everything out – on how I will rebuild myself again.

First, they brought me to a lawyer for advice. Next, they took me to a salon. The hairstylist cut my hair and colored it. They also gave me a mani-pedi. Then, we had lunch, and there, my children poured out their plan.

Social support allows us to feel cared for and lets us know there are people in our lives who can help us when we need it. — Genevieve Gellert, LSW

“Mom, Dad will not get away with this. I saw a note in the attic. It was a promise to pay note by you and Dad to Uncle Mervin. It was to capitalize on his business. It stated there mom that you two are business partners. You will get money from that, and we don’t care whatever loophole he has against you.”

My children facilitated the case while I took a step back and renewed my soul. I went to therapy and also joined a local yoga class. All of it, my girls foot in the bill. “Mom, we got you. We will never leave you alone, mom.”
I’m not in for the money with Henry, although my daughters believed that I deserved half of everything he owns. I want to start over and move past the depressive state that I was in for I love myself now. I refuse to go down the drain.

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Self-care helps trauma survivors discover how to calm themselves and find healthier relationships. — Robyn E. Brickel, M.A., LMFT

When you believe in yourself, you will fight and move on from the heartaches of life. And that’s what I did. I thought that I had to live a life that I wanted and if that meant being away from Henry, then, so be it.

Update:
I was awarded half of what he owned, royalties in the business, one of his cars, and the house!

You Can Make Yourself Feel Complete (Even Without A Partner!)

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It’s a thin line between having compassion for yourself and having it for others. Working on both pieces at the same time is helpful. — Vicki Botnick, MA, MS, LMFT

It wasn’t easy for me to move on from a 20-year marriage that was broken in a snap. My husband of two decades left me for a younger woman. There, I said it. I am not ashamed of it, though because it’s not me who cheated. It was him who broke his vows over and over and over again for all those years that we were together.

But I stayed. Even if he was silently disrespectful to me by cheating, I still chose to stay. You know when you live in the past, the family is everything. Your mother will tell you – “Katarina, you have to do everything to keep Ricardo in your arms. If he cheats, it is your fault. You have to bear all the consequences of the situation, Kata. This is the role of a woman in any marriage.” What a backward way to think, I know. Too bad for me, I believed my mother of that pitiful thinking until I realized that it was false.

I was on self-pity mode, and I am pretty sure now that I was in a state of depression back then when Ricardo left me. I cried day and night. My whole room was a mess, and I stink for not taking a bath three or four days at a time. I didn’t dare to get up and seize the day. My only daughter lived states away, and Ricardo was telling me I had to leave the house. They found a loop, and he is saying that I can’t have the house or any part of his business. I believed him. It was the “stupid” in me that failed to fight for my right.

Parents and loved ones can help the healing process by returning with new compassion to that moment:  “I’m so sorry I was taken by surprise. I just want you to know that I love you and I understand that there’s something going on for you.” — Robyn E. Brickel, M.A., LMFT

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“Who does he think he is?” Rita, Ricardo’s sister, told me on a phone call days after he left me. “Kata, I will go there, and we will give this brother of mine the spanking he deserves. He will NOT leave you broke and penniless. After everything you sacrificed for him and Kasey? This is what he does to you? No!!! Our mother, God bless her soul, would roll over her grave if she witnessed Ricky acting like this and making you suffer. You know how much she loved you, right?” It was such a relief that my sister in law was supportive of me and is willing to assist me.

And so, Rita came and slapped her brother. He was so afraid of her that Ricardo asked for forgiveness and called up an attorney to draft what he was going to “share” to me. Of course, the attorney came in haste since Ricky had the money to pay for it. All the while, Rita was there watching and waiting. Rita made Ricardo award one million dollars to me and his condo. I know he had a couple more properties, but I didn’t care about it. Rita has helped me a lot with this, and from there, I can go on with my life even if it is a life without Ricardo in it.

I still love him after everything. And while I bask on the money he gave me, I live frugally. I bought a small building with five rooms for rent, and that’s how I make my monthly living. I also pursued my love for baking, which was my therapy during those downtimes. I posted the goods online through social media apps and sold them in the mall too.

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The most essential tool for any kind of personal change is awareness. With awareness, we can begin to learn how to make the best choices for ourselves. — Genevieve Gellert, LSW

My life is simple, but at least, I am happy. You don’t need a partner or a spouse to be complete. All you need is yourself and that belief that you can do it even if you’re on your own. (But of course, I was lucky to have Rita!)

Self-Love Will Lift You Up No Matter How Down You Are Right Now

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What I went through wasn’t easy at all. For more than fifteen years, I let myself go and believed that life revolved around my husband and my kids. He took advantage of me and my gullibility. I thought, love was like that – he can trample on me anytime he wanted. In my mind, that was normal. When I became free, I realized that for a long time, I forgot to love myself. That’s the reason why I allowed him to use and abuse me.

At some point during our marriage, I know for a fact that he loved me. I held on to that thought, which was the doorway to his lousy treatment towards me. If I could go back and rewind time, I would change the way I saw myself so that he would have treated me the way that I deserved – a woman who is loved, cared for, and respected. But if you have low self-esteem, you will be blind, and try your best to reason out for the people that mean so much to me.

If you are wondering what I meant by reason out, I can give you an example.

He used to stay out late at night because of poker. He would join poker tournaments during the weekends, but at night, during weekdays, he would play cash games. This is his “work.” It is his “profession.” He was a professional gambler, but I didn’t say it that way to our children, my family, and friends. What I would “reason out” to them was “He is such a great card player that the Poker Club hired him to their in-house player. This is a real job, and that is his profession.” That was one of my reasons.

Empowerment requires us to seek, cultivate, maintain, and support our inner power, as well as that of others. — Genevieve Gellert, LSW

At times, he would not participate in family gatherings. What do I say to relatives who are looking for him? My reasons: “Oh, he is not here because he has a business deal going on right now. He is sad that he can’t go to your party, auntie, but we have a family of five to feed wherein he is the sole provider. I don’t do anything to earn money, auntie. It is just him. I don’t help out, and so, he has to work even on weekends.”

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One interesting way to gauge if you’re compassionate to others is to ask if you feel like others are judging you. Although it sounds conflicting, a worry that you are being judged is often an indication you have been taught to judge others. — Vicki Botnick, MA, MS, LMFT

How stupid I once was with my reasons, keep the marriage and family intact.

But now, I am not doing it anymore. I am not allowing myself to reason out for him or anyone else ever. People who lack self-esteem would do that, and I am trying to change it. I am worthy of respect and love, which is why I will not anymore subject myself of his lies and his crap.

When you realize your worth, you will not let other people put you down. You will not let other people mistreat you. The reason for that is self-love. You will prioritize your feelings and thoughts more if you put yourself first before others.

I am not saying that you have to be selfish. What I am trying to express here is that low self-esteem will make you a target, and you must not let that happen. If you let yourself go, people will see that you’re a pushover and they will take you for granted.

Far from being selfish in a negative way, self-care helps trauma survivors let go of behaviors that don’t serve them well, and take part in healing both internal relationships with themselves and externally with others. — Robyn E. Brickel, M.A., LMFT

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You are worth something. Don’t let others fool you into thinking that you are nothing. Remember, self-love. You are worthy of respect and everything else good in life.

No To Laziness And Excuses – Improve And Love Yourself

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Feel like you’re dragging an anchor along with you? I’ve heard a theory that feeling like this might mean you are sabotaging yourself and your own chances of success and growth. — Stuart B. Fensterheim, LCSW

How can you improve yourself? I have asked myself that question so many times, and while I know the answer to this hard inquiry, I still can’t make that move towards self-improvement. Why? I was lazy. And I also used to make up excuses so that I don’t have to move.

Are you like me? Do you also feel lazy when it’s time to make a move of self-improvement? Are you also making up excuses as to why you cannot go the extra mile? If you are like me, then, STOP. Stop your laziness and stop your excuses. Now is the time to get up, man up, move for the better, and improve yourself and your life.

How can I do that when my husband left me? Is it possible to be motivated now that my mother just died? I am sick (a bit), and I cannot move much (or so you thought) – how can I make it since I might die (which is not true)?

Again, excuses and laziness. So what if your husband left you? Fifty percent of people in the United States are divorced. This is a fact of life. Not everyone has their happily ever after. A lot of people have broken marriages, but some choose to move on and get past it. It’s because they love themselves more than they loathe themselves. They want to improve on their life, and one way to do that is accepting that your spouse will no longer be in your life romantically.

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It is a matter of acknowledging the truths in your life and making the most out of the given situation. So what if your husband has another woman and he left you? Is it the end of the world? Did God come out of heaven and splashed waves of thunder towards you? While there is still time, you make do of what you have and what is left for you.

He cheated on you? Make yourself beautiful. Buy that dress that you always wanted to wear. Change your hairstyle. Try out different colors for your clothes. Do something different with your life, with yourself, and that is how you can start to rise, move on, and improve.

Having compassion for others is good practice for being kinder to ourselves. — Vicki Botnick, MA, MS, LMFT

So, you are sick. Go to your doctor and get the real deal on your sickness. Is it fatal? If it is far from that, then, ask how you can get treatment. When you are physically healthy, you can do a lot of good things for yourself and your life. You can join sports activities, or enjoy art and other creative movements. Some people start painting, and even ballet in their forties. You know, in life, as long as you are breathing, it is never too late to achieve anything. All you have to do is love yourself, and live your life, one day at a time.

Now, if your loved one just died, you are allowed to grieve. But remember this, will your loved one like it that you are suffering so much because of him or her? The person will turn on his grave if you are not living the life that you are supposed to live because of grief. Why don’t you start praying for clarity, calm, and tranquillity? It is not easy to live without your loved one, but if you want to improve, you will have to push yourself out of that melancholic mood.

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Life is both complicated and simple at the same time. That’s a fact since people make it that way. But you can always choose to make it better – take a deep breath, and soldier on. Kick lazy and excuses to the curb.

When we feel good, it creates a ripple effect because of the way our bodies coregulate. — Andrea L. Bell, LCSW, SEP

Counseling For All The Bridget Joneses In The World

I had been hearing about Bridget Jones and her diary for at least a decade. My friends said that it was the best movie if you wanted to laugh or cry. I even watched some TV shows the talked about the film, and the characters shared my friends, thoughts about it. Still, since I was not interested in rom-coms too much, I put it off for a long time.

Then, one Sunday evening, I already finished watching Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles and was still so pumped to fall asleep, so I looked for something else to watch. As I was browsing through my streaming platform, I saw the Bridget Jones’s Diary title in the selection. Thinking that it would be too dull to keep me awake, I decided to play it.

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Thoughts About The Movie

The movie was created in the early 2000s, so I did not expect much about the video quality, even if I watched it on a 4K TV. As for the opening scene, it seemed like a sweet party of family and friends. Then, Bridget started narrating her inner thoughts, talking about how her mother would practically push her to every middle-aged single man in the room because she was a 30-something single woman with weight problems.

When I heard that, I immediately thought, How narrow-minded. Many women these days remain single even after they turn 30, and people celebrate them, especially when they are using their time to build their careers and become more financially independent. But in the movie, Bridget had to deal with getting ridiculed for being single at that age despite her blossoming career.

Fast forwarding the movie a little, Bridget Jones got a boyfriend in the form of her boss in the publishing company. The guy was hot – no doubt about it – and he always seemed sweet and hot for Bridget. But there was something off about him – he was always shady when it came to relationship talks.

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Thinking about it from a counselor’s perspective, that shadiness should have been a telltale sign that the man was hiding something. It turned out to be correct, considering Bridget found a naked woman in his house mere hours after they parted ways. It meant that her boss was only playing with her – and possibly with every other woman who would fall for his charms. She left his place utterly devastated.

Issues With Bridget Jones’s Way Of Thinking

The thing is, Bridget Jones managed to move on from that failed relationship with her boss. She went on to have a relationship with a man whose mother initially tried to pair up with her in the opening scene. However, that new relationship was far from ideal either, and it made me feel like it happened because of her unresolved insecurities.

As I mentioned above, Bridget has practically been called fat or considered herself fat and undesirable throughout the movie. Because of that, when her handsome boss flirted with her for the first time, she jumped on that wagon immediately, perhaps believing that that’s a chance of a lifetime. They were only flirting for a few days, and she already agreed to sleep with him and then expected a serious relationship with him.

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In reality, I had met a lot of women who acted like Bridget Jones. They were also intelligent and pretty, but they did not find themselves desirable, so they would stop using their brains as soon as a gorgeous fellow would try to make them feel special. However, in their desperation to feel wanted, they end up unaware of the guy’s true intentions until the truth hits them in the face.

Another issue that I did not see fans talk about much in the forums was Bridget’s passivity. You see, throughout the movie, they had a family friend who she called ‘Uncle’ Geoffrey. This older man would always squeeze her butt, and Bridget looked visibly uncomfortable because of it, but she never told him off. Instead, she would wait for others to swat him.

If this movie was set in the 2010s, people might call it as it was: a form of molestation. I believe it was Bridget’s passivity that made the sleazy man continue to get away with his actions. If she got mad and expressed her disdain towards Mr. Butt Squeezer out loud, he would have stopped doing that a long time ago.

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Counseling Tips For All The Bridget Jones Out There

Being compared to Bridget Jones can be a good thing, considering she is a smart and successful woman. She does not need a man to support her financially; she has enough determination to achieve her goals. However, it can also be a negative thing since Bridget can be insecure, passive, and desperate for affection.

If you want to keep the former traits and reduce the latter, you need to develop your self-worth. Try not to let your weight and overall appearance dictate your value as a woman – doing the opposite will give others a chance to walk all over you. If possible, assess every situation and be wary of deceitful people who want to take advantage of you using the most lethal weapon of all: affection.

Given that Bridget Jones went on to have more movies about her life and her relationship mishaps, that’s proof that your journey won’t be easy-peasy. But if you want to take a shortcut and reduce your chances of dealing with another heartbreak, please feel free to see a counselor soon.

Finally Feeling The Self-Worth That My Counselor Used To Talk About

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I have always been a socially awkward person. My sister would talk about the fun activities that she did with our cousins when you were younger, and then I would be like, “We were always together back then. How come you got to do that, and I did not?” The answer would often be, “It’s because you did not want to come.” Then, I would remember that I did not do those things because I was too shy to go with our relatives or cousins with whom I was not close, while my sister found it too easy to get friendly with them.

The impact of my social awkwardness was that my sister became the center of attention wherever we went. People always praised her and did everything so that she could grace the occasion ever since we were kids. If my parents and I were there, they would ask where she was and talk about how the party would have been better if she was there multiple times. Sometimes, people would even prepare gifts for my sister – and only my sister – even if they knew that I would be coming as well.

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Experiencing the same situation for as long as I could remember did not help reduce my social awkwardness. If anything, it might have worsened because of the unfair treatment of people when it came to my sister and me. Whenever we would go somewhere, I always found it hard to get close to others because they wanted to see me as my sister. Then, they branded me as that aloof, smart girl who did not want to “mingle with the Muggles” – a reference to the non-magic people in the world of Harry Potter, which I loved.

No one knew about this, but the more attention my sister got from others, the less valuable I found myself. As she blossomed and came out like a pearl from her beautiful shell, I clammed up even more to the extent that I stopped going to gatherings with family and friends. My parents never understood it and assumed that I was mean whenever I would say that I did not want to see people who only wanted to see my sister. However, that was the reality.

Getting Counseling

Without my parents’ knowledge, I signed up for counseling in college. My sister and I did not go to the same university because of our different fields of interest. I initially thought that I would be able to gain more friends or reinvent myself since she was no longer stepping on my shadow, but six months already passed, and my only friend was still my roommate, so I decided to give counseling a shot.

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I would say that it was a smooth procedure. I talked about my issues at length; the counselor listened to me respectfully. However, when I asked the counselor how she could resolve my problem, she was like, “I’m sorry; I can only guide you to resolving it. Our main concern here is that you are looking for affection and validation from others. Both things should come from you – you need to develop your self-worth to get over your social awkwardness.”

The counselor’s words did not make sense to me at the time. The only thing I understood was that she would not step in to fix my issues for me. This was news to me, and it upset me, so I stopped taking counseling.

Winning In Life

I managed to make a few friends over the years. Their number was not as many as I would have wanted, but we were all at least genuine with each other.

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When I started working, I immersed myself in the publishing world. I soon realized that I loved writing and editing, so that’s what I did. I worked hard to get into one of the biggest publishing houses in the US, to the point that even my managers felt like they were missing a limb if I was not in the office. In no time, I got my promotion – and raised my confidence level.

The latter become noticeable in the way I dressed and talked to people. Back then, I would wear baggy clothes, keep my hair in a ponytail, or do anything to blend with the crowd. I would not initiate a conversation or at least say hi to anyone first either. However, since I realized that I was important in my industry, I began to dress up better and become more approachable than ever.

Final Thoughts

I would look back at my socially awkward days, and I could only shake my head and smile. Those were not my happiest memories – there was no doubt about it – but they shaped me to become a better version of myself. Now, I finally know what self-worth means and feels like.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Humanistic Psychologists Approach

Working with many patients for the last couple of months had put me in an overwhelming state. Questions are pouring everywhere, and people are becoming used to annoy me with their unsolicited advice and know-it-all opinions. Honestly, the whole “helping others to mentally and emotionally survive” is now my priority. That is even though I also needed some space with myself sometimes.

I am a licensed therapist for six years already. I must say, my job is not that easy, yet it is not entirely that complicated. It’s only a matter of who and what I am dealing with in an instance. But in certain moments, I usually handle patients with severe clinical depression, general anxiety, bipolar disorder, and stress-related issues. These conditions are taking too much of my time and energy that I sometimes feel a little drawn to working my ass off to fix things and help these people get better.

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But lately, I am feeling a little confident about making everything work. Not long ago, I started incorporating a humanistic approach to my therapy treatment sessions with my client, and everything just went so smoothly. I was amazed by how far the positive results get me through, not only for the sake of my clients but also for myself as well.

I always thought that pressure and stress would eat me up as I endure all the negative energy coming from those unfortunate people dealing with mental health struggles. I was worried that instead of helping them get through their life challenges, I might become a burden. I owe it to the humanistic approach for keeping sane and valuable to my patients because right now, they need me more than ever. So there is no way I am going to disappoint them.

What do humanistic psychologists do? 

Humanistic psychology emphasizes looking at and evaluating the whole individual. It stresses concepts such as self-efficacy, free will, and self-actualization. The process is administered by humanistic psychologists who are not often concerned with responses to external stimuli, instinctual drives, or past experiences. Instead, these professional experts focus on studying how individuals are influenced by their self-perceptions and the personal meanings attached to their experiences.

 How do psychologists view the humanistic approach today?

Humanistic psychologists use the humanistic approach today to look at human behavior through the viewer’s eyes and the person’s eyes doing the behaving. Humanistic psychologists aim to lend a hand and help people accomplish their potential, understand their needs, improve their self-awareness, and maximize their overall well-being. Instead of concentrating on people’s dysfunctions, humanistic psychology encourages individuals to improve their contribution to communities worldwide.

 How does the humanistic approach treat depression? 

Humanistic therapy is widely used to treat all sorts of mental health issues. These include relationship issues, personality disorders, panic disorders, addiction, schizophrenia, anxiety, and depression. It contributes a lot to an individual’s overall wellness as it emphasizes independence, personal development, and the accomplishment of human potential. Humanistic approaches view depression as an interruption in an individual’s ability to develop to their full potential.

 Who can benefit from humanistic therapy? 

Humanistic therapy works with people dealing with specific mental health conditions and challenges as it values personal ideals and self-fulfillment. These include panic disorders, addiction, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. Humanistic therapy has been used to help people with relationship issues such as marital problems, family relationships, and more. As the approach emphasizes individuals’ choice and responsibility, it also satisfies their idea of human means.

 What are the significant weaknesses of the humanistic approach? 

Some of the weaknesses of the humanistic approach include its lack of empirical support. Client-Centred Therapy is of restricted help for individuals with a complex problem. The approach is not entirely scientific. It does not use any thorough methods and doesn’t make predictions that can be disproved or proved. There is too much emphasis on subjective experience, making it complicated to study. It exceeds positivity that it assumes people are intrinsically good and will choose positive paths for all their decisions in their lives.

 What is an example of humanistic psychology? 

An example of humanistic psychology is sensitivity training at a place of employment. From that particular circumstance, people are trained to respect and value their co-workers for who they are, despite differences. This approach leads to stronger workplace relationships and a supplementary all-encompassing work environment.

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 How do you become a humanistic psychologist? 

To become a humanistic psychologist, you must first complete a four-year bachelor’s degree in the field of Doctor of Philosophy. It would be better if you understood human behavior and how factors affect the changes in it. Besides obtaining an education, you also need to have at least a year of practice under excellent supervision. Then, you have to obtain a license before entertaining a client.

 What are the basic principles of humanistic psychology? 

The principles of humanistic psychology emphasize looking at the whole individual’s capability, strength, and mental capacity to change. The approach stresses concepts such as self-efficacy, self-actualization, and free will. Instead of concentrating on the person’s dysfunction, humanistic psychology works hard to maximize their well-being and fulfill their potential.

 What does humanistic therapy focus on? 

Humanistic therapy focuses on assisting individuals from disabling assumptions and attitudes that are not helpful for overall wellness and development. The approach intends to promote free-will so people can live fuller lives. There is an emphasis on growth and self-actualization rather than alleviating disorders or curing diseases with this process. Humanistic therapy treats people as a whole so they can think, behave, perceive, and believe.

Humanistic therapy helps individuals in a more encouraging way to develop a healthier and stronger sense of self. It supports access and understands people’s deep-rooted feelings and helps them gain a sense of meaning in life.

 What are the three types of humanistic therapy? 

Humanistic therapies include several approaches. But three of the most common include Gestalt therapy, which emphasizes personal responsibility. It aims to teach individuals to become conscious of significant feelings within themselves and their environment, so they fully respond reasonably to certain situations. The second is client-centered therapy where it focuses on understanding how the world looks from the patient’s point of view. Lastly, there is existential therapy. It is a unique form of psychotherapy that explores specific difficulties from a philosophical perspective and focusing on humans as a whole.

 How effective is humanistic therapy? 

Studies found that humanistic therapies are competent and effective at helping people make lasting life change over time. People who are working their best with humanistic therapy showed that there is enough encouragement that allows people to reclaim control over their mood and functioning.

Humanistic therapy adopts a holistic approach to human existence because it typically believes that people are inherently good. That their negative actions are only from the negative experience they unexpectedly experience in their life.

 What is the difference between humanistic and person-centered counseling? 

The humanistic approach often deals with how people recognize themselves consciously. These individuals do not rely on counselors’ interpretation of their ideas and unconscious thoughts. Humanistic and person-centered counseling tap into their innate abilities, creativity, and wisdom to fulfill their potential as human beings. Therefore, there is entirely not much difference between these two.

 What are Carl Rogers’s three core conditions? 

Rogers’s three core conditions, sometimes referred to as the ‘facilitative conditions’ are the setting that the client needs for the therapy to work:

  1. Congruence or the genuineness and realness of the relationship between the patient and the therapist.
  2. Unconditional positive regard, which specifically includes acceptance and caring.
  3. The accurate empathic or the nuanced reflection of feelings.

 What are the six core values of a person-centered approach? 

A person-centered approach’s six core values start with respecting the individual, understanding their experiences and goals, treating everybody with respect, giving responsibility by improving confidence, coordinating care and treatment, and maintaining confidentiality.

 What are the four principles of person Centred care? 

The four known principles of person-centered care include handling people with compassion and respect, render care, assistance, and treatment, offer personalized care, support, and treatment, and allow service users to recognize and develop their strengths and abilities.

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 Final Thoughts

The humanistic approach taught me a lot of things. And I must say, I realized that sometimes therapy sessions are not just about small talks, comfortability, and emotional vent-outs. It is all about a life-changing emotional, physical, and mental adjustment that one needs to get back in control of his life.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Depression Relapse

“What’s with you?” It is one of the most common questions I received from people who cannot seem to handle the sudden changes I make. I don’t blame them. I used to be an enthusiastic and happy person that loves to spend my time doing interesting things. I used to ride a bike every morning, draw a lot, write poems, and spend most of my time socializing with other people. However, these past few weeks, I know I tend to act differently.

At first, I thought it was normal to feel that way. Besides, I know that emotions are temporary and that one way or another, I will be able to go back to my old self and enjoy the things I love doing. But to my surprise, the isolation took a couple of months already, and somehow I began to like the feeling of being alone.

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I often hear people close to me say, “she is depressed, and she doesn’t know it yet.” I mean, what is there about depression that I haven’t known yet? I know I have an emotional and mental dilemma. Isn’t that enough reason for me to understand that I am going through a serious depressive time in my life?

Unfortunately, this particular situation is not my first time. Way back a couple of months, I was having the same emotional and mental exhaustion. I was dealing with school pressure, family issues, romantic relationship’s emotional abuse, and self-insecurities. At that time, people were expecting me to behave according to what they used to see me. I managed to get through it, though. But right now, I just couldn’t tell if what I am mentally dealing with is the same as before. Is this what they call depression relapse?

What is a relapse in mental health?

A relapse is a state where worrying symptoms come back or worsen even right after a successful recovery. It is a sense of failure in mental health and usually implies “failing,” “going backward,” and “back to square one.” Though this particular case can entirely happen at any moment, there are still ways an individual can take many steps to help prevent a relapse or worsening symptoms. Relapse refers to the idea that no one can promise that a person will never feel unwell again.

 How can I speed up my relapse recovery?

To be able to speed up your relapse, you need to prepare yourself from the negative feelings. Brace your emotions and use them to motivate yourself to get better. Find the right people to stick with because your stage is the most critical part of emotional and mental balance. Think about your relapse as a stepping stone to understanding your condition and everything that goes around it. Be mindful of seeking immediate help. Always stay positive and commit yourself to health and wellness. Practice self-awareness, self-love, and self-care.

 How many times can you get depression?

Major depressive disorder can be extremely recurrent, and there is no exact specific time or day that will tell you that you will experience a change in your mood and behavior. How long your depression lasts depends on lifestyle factors that can affect it. These can include issues with your financial status, relationship, school or work, and many more. And if you receive no prompt treatment, things can get a lot worse.

 Is it okay to relapse?

No matter how you pursue your recovery thoroughly or how you commit yourself to lifelong healthy attributes, there is always a possibility you will relapse at some point. But that does not mean you should not do anything. It is significant to remember that even though relapse is a usual thing, it can still be dangerous and sometimes deadly. Thus, you need to get up on your feet and bounce back to recover your mental and emotional wellness.

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 What causes mental health relapse?

Several factors increase the risk of a person developing a mental illness. But for some instances, isolation and boredom could by far be listed as the top reason for relapse many individuals experience, especially on their early recovery. But sometimes, habits like using drugs and alcohol prior to recovery were usually part of the reason. Also, stopping medication or not taking any medication as prescribed can be a trigger too.

 Can you relapse on antidepressants?

Unfortunately, relapses during a struggle with a mental illness such as depression can happen at any time. That is even if you are already under medication or receiving treatment for depression. Relapse is like any other condition. If you have it once, you may be predisposed to it and are more likely to experience it again, regardless of the change in a healthy lifestyle, therapy treatment, and medication.

 Can you have a relapse of anxiety?

Yes. In fact, relapses are sometimes triggered by low mood, fatigue, and stress. It can contribute to a complete return to all of your old ways of negative emotions, thoughts, and behavior when you are anxious. At times, the possibility of going back to an old habit is higher when there are not many successful treatments, medications, and coping strategies in the first place.

 How do I know if I’m relapsing?

If you have been suffering from depression, there is the possibility that you may be experiencing a relapse or recurrences even at the moments you think you are fine. It would usually start with slowly losing your feelings for your spouse or kids, and often you aren’t interested in work, hobbies, or other favorite activities that you once like. This sudden change in you usually lasts for more than two weeks. After that, a lot of your depressive symptoms eventually come back within six months of an episode. If that happens, ask your doctor for help.

 How long does a relapse last?

A relapse is an indication of a mental health problem associated with a drop in motivation, loss of productivity, and avoided social interaction. It typically lasts longer than 24 hours. A person usually experiences it at least 30 days after the last relapse he had gone through.

 How do you feel better after a relapse?

Note that not because you think you already recover from your mental health issue does not guarantee that you will not relapse. It is essential to maintain your health to always feel better despite relapsing. It will help if you start by avoiding triggers. Reflect on your relapses and create a prevention plan. Set healthy boundaries and engage in self-care. Encircle yourself with family and friends that will be there for you through your recovery process. Always reach out for help and never ignore your symptoms.

Do antidepressants prevent relapse?

Yes. Continuing treatment with antidepressants can potentially delay and reduce the odds of experiencing a relapse by 70%. Therefore, to prevent relapse and treatment failure, there should be maintenance therapy and continued medications. It is also vital to pay extra careful attention for at least six months after any treatment cutback gets recommended.

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 What happens if you relapse smoking?

When talking about any relapse, a single slipup may result in negative feelings, self-condemnation, anxiety, and depression. It leads to thoughts and feelings of hopelessness that often make you want to give up trying and quit. Several slipups can result in a full-blown relapse that brings a lot of worse symptoms after. But one should not feel bad because it is never too late to start again.

 How long does it take to recover from a relapse?

Studies show that health symptoms from a relapse occur within two months and eventually grow in a complete full-blown state within six months, provided with triggers. However, further recovery could take place up to 12 months after managing the previous relapse.

 How long after stopping antidepressants before I feel normal again?

Withdrawal symptoms usually occur within five days after the stop of medication intake. Generally, its symptoms last for up to 6 weeks. Some individuals have severe withdrawal symptoms that last for more than several months after stopping their antidepressants. If these symptoms get out of hand, it is best to contact a medical professional as soon as possible.

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Myers Briggs Personality Test

Personality tests help gauge and discover our personalities. They can help us understand ourselves and justify how we behave and react in some situations. Personality tests also help a person build upon his perceived weaknesses and fortify many of his tallied strengths.

One of today’s more famous personality tests is the Myers-Briggs Personality Test (MBTI). What is this test, and how is it beneficial in understanding yourself?

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MBTI examines different personality types and categorizes them as one of the 16 possible types. Isabel Myers and her mother, Katherine Briggs, created the questionnaire based on Carl Jung’s personality types theory.

It is unlike other personality tests that categorize each individual strictly into concise categories. MBTI personalities are considered to be rough estimations and may include similar characteristics per type. Moreover, what is interesting and unique about is there are no right or wrong answers. The end goal is not to burn out in social comparison but to provide a comprehensive insight into your personality and traits.

MBTI takes around 10-15 minutes of your time. Websites like 16 Personalities also offer free test-taking on almost all devices.

Upon finishing an exam, you would end up with a four-letter acronym. It is your theoretical personality based on your answers. These codes aim to identify and compare how you fared according to different metrics. It looks into how a person interacts with other people, gathers information, makes decisions, and perceives his outside world and external life. 

The result provides the following categories:

  • Extraversion (E) – Introversion (I)
  • Sensing (S) – Intuition (N)
  • Thinking (T) – Feeling (F)
  • Judging (J) – Perceiving (P)

Your result is also further divided into two categories. These divisions describe your overall outlook and how you manage the complexities of your situation. These are:

  • Assertive (A)
  • Turbulent (T)

Discovering your real MBTI is not a one-time thing. The results may even change over time. Feel free to take it whenever you feel like it. 

Upon knowing your MBTI, you can proceed to the free analysis that comes with it. Through that, you will further understand the character of your MBTI. It can analyze how you fare in love and relationships and what possible career fits your personality best. Most websites also give further advice centered on more complex scales, but you would have to pay for it.

Furthermore, you can also join social media groups and pages that share the same personality type. These pages usually roll out relatable content and personal insights about your personality type. Some groups may even contain memes and hilarious posts about the identifier of your MBTI. 

If you want to find out your MBTI Personality Type and know how it can help with understanding yourself further, you can check out the FAQs here below:

Is the Myers Briggs test free?

Yes, the Myers-Briggs Personality Test through online sites like 16Personalities is free. There is no registration required before taking the test. However, you may want your results sent to you. It will ask you to share your email address with them.

What is the best free personality test?

The Myers Briggs Test (MBTI assessment) is one of the best free personality tests out there. TestColor personality test, DiSC assessments, and the Big Five Personality Test are some other accurate and free tests.

How much does a Myers Briggs test cost?

Certified professionals use the Myers-Briggs test as a psychological tool. Thus, the MBTI assessment’s cost will vary depending on where you get it. Meanwhile, online sites such as the 16Personalities offer the Myers Briggs test for free.

What is the loneliest personality type?

Most sources say INFJs are the loneliest personality type. INFJs are also the rarest and may thus find fewer people to connect with. These people are also very sensitive. They tend to hide their real emotions, making themselves distant from others. Their perfectionism and high standards can also make them feel unsatisfied.

What is the most popular personality type?

ISFJ is the most popular personality type as it comprises roughly 13.8% of MBTI takers. ISFJ is followed closely by ESFJ and ISTJ.

What is the most valid personality test?

The most valid personality test may be the MBTI assessment. This test groups people into 16 personalities. It shows how you make decisions by testing your psychological preferences to situations. The test also helps you understand how you perceive reality.

Can I take the Myers Briggs test online?

Yes, you can take the Myers Briggs Test online. The 16Personalities site offers the MBTI assessment for free. It does not require logins. More importantly, there are no hidden charges.

Is Myers Briggs worth it?

It depends on the test subject. Myers Briggs Test can and cannot be worth it. Some takers, especially those who pay for the test itself, claim it is not worth it. Their claims are because only 50% of people taking the test have stable and consistent results. However, if you take it for free, there will be no costs lost.

Do you have to pay for Myers Briggs?

It depends on which platform you are getting the Myers Briggs test. Many online sites, such as the 16Personalities, offer the MBTI assessment for free. However, you may need to pay for an MBTI-branded evaluation for your own organization’s use.

Are any personality tests accurate?

Personality tests can be accurate but only for a certain period. Personality is based on your inner thoughts and feelings. External factors like social behaviors and environment do affect it. Thus, some days may be different from the others, and the results of your personality tests may therefore vary in time.

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What is the best disc personality type?

DiSC personalities each have their fields of expertise. Thus, there is no single best DiSC personality type. For example, I-styles focus on people and social connections. Meanwhile, S-styles favor expertise and experience. The DiSC personality test is apt for workplace environments. So you should first identify what task needs to be done before knowing which DiSC personality is the best.

What are the 4 types of personality?

The four personality types are types A, B, C, and D. Human resource departments typically use these personalities to improve hiring strategies. Type A personalities are goal-oriented. They tend to be more uptight and proactive. Conversely, Type B personalities are relaxed, social, and consistent. Type C is known to be a critical thinker whose strengths include accuracy and creativity.

Is there a type D personality?

Yes, there is a type D personality, and it stands for “distressed” personality. According to medical psychology, it is a mix of negative affectivity and social inhibition. Among other personality types, type D is more dependable and sincere while staying low-key.

What is Type F personality?

In the Myer Briggs Test, type F personality means “Feeling.” It means that the person prefers feeling over thinking when processing information. Thus, a type F personality will feel more inclined to act on their emotions than through logic.

What does Type B personality mean?

Having a type B personality means making freer choices and actions. As opposed to type A personalities, type B personalities enjoy more because they live a more carefree and stress-free life. Thus, type B personalities feel inclined to take on roles that allow them more liberty and creativity.

What is a Type C personality mean?

C personalities are known to be very logical. This personality type also likes to organize and take control. Type C personalities are also associated with accuracy, critical thinking, and playing by the rules.

Conclusion

The Myers-Briggs Personality Type offers a great way to start understanding your personality. Designed to bring out your hidden characters and unassumed traits, MBTI can provide a comprehensive take on filling in your strengths and witnesses.

MBTI is also a great way to assess possible career paths. This test also refines the interpretations from your preferences into specific genres. Your MBTI Personality can also help identify which therapy approaches may suit your personality.

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The benefits that you can gain from learning your MBTI type are very promising. Knowing yourself better will help you identify how you work and function. Your strengths can help you gain more confidence and make better decisions. Meanwhile, recognizing your weaknesses can help shed light on what things are holding you back. 

By knowing yourself fully, you can develop a better sense of self and others. It will be instrumental in building good relationships and making sound decisions as you move along. 

 

Exercise And Anxiety: Frequently Asked Questions

 

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When you are suffering from anxiety or depression, exercise occasionally seems to be the last activity you’d like to do. But when you’re driven, exercise makes such a tremendous difference.

Exercise assists in preventing and enhancing several health conditions, which include diabetes, hypertension, and arthritis. Studies on anxiety, depression, and exercise reveal that exercise’s physical and psychological advantages could also help lower anxiety and improve mood.

The connection between anxiety, depression, and exercise isn’t exactly clear. Still, workouts and other physical activity types can absolutely alleviate anxiety and depression symptoms and make you feel good about yourself. Exercise may also prevent anxiety and depression from reappearing once you feel better.

How Exercise Helps

  • It develops your self-confidence. Achieving your exercise challenges or goals, even the minor ones, can improve your self-esteem. Working out can also improve your looks and your overall image.
  • Exercise releases happy hormones or endorphins, which are brain chemicals and other natural chemicals in the brain that can boost your mental and physical well-being.
  • It takes your mind off of your anxieties so that you can get rid of the cycle of negativity that contributes to anxiety and depression.
  • Engaging in physical activity can offer opportunities to socialize and interact with other people. Simply exchanging a few words or friendly greetings around the neighborhood can definitely help lighten your mood.
  • Exercising increases positivity and helps you control your anxiety and depression healthily. Drugs or alcohol may briefly take away your worries or fears, but when the effects subside, your symptoms will worsen.

Jogging, playing volleyball or basketball, weight lifting, and other physical activities that can release your sweat, activate your muscles, and get your body moving can help, but so does hobbies like gardening, cleaning the house, and doing the laundry. Any activity that gets your butt off your seat and moving can improve your mood and your overall physical and mental state.

It’s not necessary to perform all your exercises and other hobbies at the same time. Widen your exercise perspective and identify means to add minor amounts of physical activity spread throughout the day. For instance, use the stairs at work rather than riding the elevator. Don’t park across your workplace – park a few blocks away so you can walk several meters every day. Or perhaps you could bike your way to work or the supermarket.

At least thirty minutes or more of physical activity daily for about four to five days a week can considerably alleviate anxiety or depression symptoms. However, minor activities, say, ten to fifteen minutes frequent times a day, also can make a difference. On the other hand, it takes lesser time to exercise and improve when you do more strenuous activities like bicycling or running.

The mental health benefits of physical activity and exercise may continue to be there only if you do them continuously, which is another great reason to concentrate on finding activities that you love to do.

How To Get Started

Getting started and sticking to an exercise regimen regularly can be daunting. But these tips can definitely help:

  • Create sensible goals. Your task does not need to be walking for hours daily for a week. Be realistic about what you are capable of doing, and start slowly. Customize your plan to your capabilities and your needs instead of setting idealistic protocols that you probably won’t be able to do.
  • Do not consider exercise as an option. Think about your exercise regimen schedule the way you think about your medications or therapy sessions – as instruments that help you improve and be better.
  • Find activities that you love to do. Identify what forms of physical activities you love to do and are capable of doing. For instance, would you enjoy doing the laundry in the morning, after you do your 30-minute run, or skip that today, so you have time and energy to play ballgame with your kids after school?
  • Consider your limitations. Find out what’s keeping you from exercising or being physically active. If you are not comfortable, you might wish to exercise inside your home. If you can perform optimally with a partner, invite your spouse or a friend who’s as interested as you to be healthy mentally and physically. If you’re not up for buying workout gear initially, do something affordable or free, like walking or jogging.
  • Get support from family, friends, and mental health professionals. Speak with your doctor or mental health provider for support and guidance. Talk about an exercise program and the ways that the routine can fit into your entire treatment plan.
  • Be prepared for challenges and setbacks. Be grateful each time you take the right direction, whether it’s small or really small. If you can’t exercise today, it does not mean that you can’t continue with your routine and just quit. Try again tomorrow or the next day. What matters is that you stick with the routine.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What exercise is best for anxiety? 

Some great aerobic exercises that help deal with anxiety include running, tennis, dancing, swimming, brisk walking, and biking. 

Does exercise help with anxiety? 

The relationship between anxiety, depression, and exercise is not completely clear. However, working out and other physical activity types can absolutely reduce depressive or anxious symptoms and improve your well-being. Exercise can also prevent anxiety and depression from emerging again once your condition has improved. 

How long until exercise helps anxiety?

Doing aerobic exercises for five to ten minutes can already improve one’s mood and decrease anxiety symptoms. Still, regular aerobic programs that last from 10 to 15 minutes generally enhance one’s overall mental well-being.

How does exercise reduce stress and anxiety? 

Exercise enhances your general health and well-being, which adds more life and energy to your everyday activities. Additionally, exercise provides several stress-reducing benefits, like increasing your body’s endorphins.

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When To See Your Doctor 

Please consult with your doctor first before starting an exercise regimen to ensure that it’s safe. Discuss how much activity, which types of activity, and what degree of activity is fine with you. Your mental health provider will consider your preexisting health conditions and the medications you are currently taking. He may also offer sound advice about how to get started and how to stay committed.

If you regularly exercise, but your anxiety or depression symptoms are continuously interfering with your everyday living, you should see your mental health provider and tell him about this. Physical activity and exercise are amazing ways to alleviate symptoms of anxiety or depression, but they are not an alternative to medications or psychotherapy.

 

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Forgiveness Therapy

Forgiveness does not come easy to most people. For them, it takes less effort to hold on to anger and resentment than to let them go. After all, our pain represents the part of us that is indignant and seeks justice. It is the part of us that demands better treatment. 

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However, the more we hold onto these feelings, the harder it is to let go. Bitterness and hate are shackles that bind us to a past we can no longer change. Making a conscious effort to forgive frees us from pain. Then, we embark on a journey towards healing.

This is the premise of forgiveness therapy. It chooses radical forgiveness over letting time heal wounds. The wronged person chooses to forgive. They let go of the desire for revenge. Instead, they engage with the experience in a more productive way.

Forgiveness therapy is an evidence-based treatment for resolving anger and other painful feelings. A therapist uses several strategies to help clients come to terms with a traumatic or difficult experience. It takes 12 sessions on average to achieve therapeutic goals.  

Forgiveness does not magically happen with a snap of a finger. It’s not a one-time thing. There is no linear path to acceptance. In the same way, we process grief in stages; there are stages of forgiveness. In some cases, forgiveness may seem downright impossible.  

This is where your therapist comes in. They may suggest various interventions to help you through a painful experience and reframe how you think about a situation.  

In the process, you might discover some things you haven’t realized yourself yet. You may realize the extent to which you have allowed that experience to control your life. As you slowly move through the stages of forgiveness, you might develop empathy for the offender. The final step is to hold on to that state until you find the strength to move on.  

If you want to learn more about the healing powers of forgiveness, here are the frequently asked questions about forgiveness therapy. 

What are the four stages of forgiveness?

The four stages of forgiveness are:

  1. Feeling the pain of the situation or the wrongdoing.
  2. Anger, wherein you start to feel hatred towards the person or for what happened to you.
  3. Refusal to forgive the person. It happens because you will lose control of the situation and make the wrongdoer think that what they did to you was okay.
  4. Forgiveness and healing where you find peace and relief from the pain and hurt brought about by the wrongdoing.

What are the 7 Steps to Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a process, and like any other process, there are steps that one has to go through to find the path to healing and, ultimately, forgiveness.

  1. Acknowledge that you have been hurt by what happened.
  2. Evaluate how the situation impacted your life.
  3. Accept that you have no control over what happened anymore.
  4. Ascertain if you are ready to forgive the person or not. The result of this step is crucial.
  5. If you decide to forgive the wrongdoer, you need to take steps to repair the relationship.
  6. Learn from what happened.
  7. The last step is finally letting go and moving on, which is the complete state of forgiveness.

What does forgiveness do for the forgiven?

It helps them move on and forgive themselves as well. If they choose to learn from the mistake, it makes them better individuals too. Sometimes, it also repairs the relationship and makes it better than before.

How can I increase my forgiveness?

You have to address the internal pain you experienced first, so you can forgive yourself and have a deeper understanding of why forgiveness matters. Please acknowledge that we are built differently. You need to understand that people can hurt you unconsciously. Like you, they may also have internal sufferings that they go through as well. You have to be more empathic with the people around you and acknowledge that we have different burdens. Do not be hard on yourself and be more open to making mistakes and forgiving yourself in the process.

What is true forgiveness?

True forgiveness is not condoning or making up excuses for what was done to you, but it is choosing your peace over the grudge you have against the person who wronged you. It is a conscious choice of letting go of the hurt, the resentment, and seeking revenge against the wrongdoer. The person may not deserve it, but true forgiveness is choosing yourself and giving yourself the freedom to let go.

What did Jesus say about forgiveness?

There were a lot of verses in the Bible wherein forgiveness was mentioned. One of these is Matthew 18:21-22, wherein he told Peter that he should forgive his brother or sister seven times but seventy times seven times.

Why do I struggle with forgiveness?

You may find it hard to forgive because people usually associate forgiving with condoning the wrongful act that was committed. Many think that ignoring the person is equivalent to patronizing and minimizing the mistake and that doing so may send the wrong message of inviting them back into their lives. On the other hand, others think that forgiving is unfair because it just helps clear the person’s conscience.

What is the healing power of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is the key to helping us move forward and let go of the hurt and pain encountered in the past. It helps us to be more optimistic in the future and eases the burden we carry in our hearts. It lets us be more open to people and form better relationships with them.

How does forgiveness heal?

Forgiveness heals not only the hearts or the minds, but it also heals the bodies. Research shows that choosing to forgive and let go lowers blood pressure and stress hormones. It also strengthens the immune system and reduces gastrointestinal problems or other body pains.

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Why can’t I forgive and move on?

Sometimes this is due to the intensity of the wrongdoing done. You may find it hard to forgive when you feel that forgiving makes you lose power and control over what happened. At the same time, you may think that forgiving will make you vulnerable. You may also be looking at forgiveness as a sign of weakness rather than a sign of strength.

How do you release anger and forgiveness?

Releasing anger and forgiveness starts with you. You have to start by consciously forgiving yourself first. Recognize that your feelings are valid and that it is okay to feel sad or angry because you were hurt. Once you have successfully processed your emotions, start acknowledging that everyone is flawed and are working to be better people like you.

Learn how to balance your thoughts because this may cloud your perspective to be more positive and forgiving. Please acknowledge that you have no control over what happened in the past, and you can no longer change it, so live in the present and focus on the good things that are happening to you right now.

How do you forgive someone who has hurt you emotionally?

Realize that in some instances, forgiveness cannot happen overnight. You do not have to force it or rush into forgiving that person. Let the emotions come in, and feel them as much as you need to. They will tone down on their own, and once this happens, you have to understand why you felt this way and stop blaming yourself. Let go of the anger, the resentment, the feeling of annoyance, and expectations from that person. Acknowledge what you have learned from that experience and focus on the learning than the wrongdoing.

How do you move on when someone doesn’t forgive you?

Every person goes through the forgiveness stages differently.  Some people forgive faster and better than others, and some have a hard time doing it. First, you have to ask what you can do to repair the relationship. If it seems like they do not want to accept your apology, you have to take the consequence of your wrongdoing and be hopeful that they may need more time to process their emotions before completely forgiving you. If the unforgiveness is affecting your day-to-day life, it is best to attend a counseling session.

Is it okay to never forgive someone?

It is entirely okay to not force or rush yourself into forgiving someone. Although others may push you to forgive a person, listening to what you feel like you need to do is essential. If you think that forgiving is against your will, it will be best to set it aside until you are ready.

How do I let go of vengeance?

List down the people you have hatred towards, and list down the traits that made you hate them. This way, you will know how you can address these bottled up emotions, and you can let the anger out by talking to a trusted person about this list. They may also help you be grounded and realize that this anger you are currently feeling does not define you, and you are not that kind of person. If you still feel vengeful towards someone, it will also help you think of the consequences that the act may bring.

Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven. When we are unwilling to forgive, we harm ourselves more. Studies show that holding onto a grudge has negative impacts on our mental and physical well-being. 

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Staying stuck in a cycle of hate and revenge can make a person more vulnerable to developing conditions and self-destructive behaviors. Prolonged stress can also result in physical symptoms such as high blood pressure and fatigue. It can make you physically sick. 

When we forgive, we acknowledge and let go of repressed feelings. True forgiveness releases the burden of negative emotions. 

Forgiveness doesn’t mean repairing a damaged relationship. You can forgive and not want someone in your life. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not mutually exclusive. 

Forgiveness is not limited to other peoples. More often than not, you have to forgive yourself. We tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard. When we fall short,  we punish ourselves. If we can forgive others, make sure to be equally kind to ourselves.

Often, people who forgive are more likely to be happier in general and more resilient to everyday setbacks. They demonstrate higher levels of empathy, resolve conflicts without turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, and may even be more resistant to illness. They can lead more productive lives. 

The weight off our shoulders that comes with forgiveness can be incredibly liberating. Forgiveness leaves you free to make more meaningful and stronger connections. Forgiving life for what it’s given you can help you better appreciate life’s pleasures more fully and experience happiness on a deeper level.

Bulletproofing Your Mental Health Through Grit And Resilience

A crucial aspect of mental health involves being able to handle yourself through bad times. Given all the uncertainties of life, there will be moments where you feel that you’re at the lowest point of your life. The ability to remain strong will help you thrive even in the harshest environments. How does one build grit and resilience, though? Contrary to what most people believe, mental strength is a skill that you can hone through deliberate practice.

Understanding Resilience

Grit and resilience are closely related, but they have slightly different definitions. Grit refers to your ability to maintain your interest to pursue a long-term goal, especially in the face of hardship. For example, a gritty salesperson will keep on following leads, and closing deals with passion even after a string of rejections. While being a difficult skill to hone, grit gives people the perseverance to chase after what they want in life. 

Resilience refers more to how people respond after encountering an obstacle. Resilient people can bounce back better after a setback as they continue pursuing their goals. Resilience relies on an optimistic mindset and a perspective on obstacles as learning opportunities towards growth.

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The Growth Mindset

One of the critical characteristics of people with grit and resilience is that they have a growth mindset. People with this mental disposition believe that skills can improve through effort. They think of obstacles as temporary hurdles that they can eventually overcome through their actions. They might even welcome adversity, given that they believe that challenges will only make them stronger and better.

This mindset is directly in contrast with the fixed mindset. People under this category think that skills are determined purely by genetics and external circumstances out of their control. Hence, they don’t see the value of putting effort towards skill-building.

Having the growth mindset correlates with having grit and resilience. It’s because people with this outlook have a stronger belief in their ability to control their situation. They tend to persist in finding ways to gain new skills. As they develop, they would then eventually surpass the obstacles blocking their path towards success.

Developing Grit

People naturally have varying amounts of grit. However, it is still a skill that you can develop. You can start by assessing how resilient you are right now. How much do you persist in solving problems, even if there’s no assurance that you’ll succeed? Can you push through with what you need to do even if you have no motivation?

One way to practice grit is to become more decisive. Having to make a decision is usually a struggle for many people. While there’s no need to make rash judgments, develop the discipline of pushing through after you’ve made a decision.

It also helps to decouple your actions from your motivation. Many people schedule their lives based on when and how they feel motivated. While this is a great tip for optimizing performance, you won’t always have your motivation to back you up.

Practice doing activities based on discipline, such as by following strict schedules for working. You should get used to doing work even if you feel like doing something else. Fighting the temptation to slack off is a great way to develop grit.

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It also helps to focus only on circumstances that you can control. People often spend too much time and energy on people and events that they can’t influence. This method will only drain your wellbeing and make you more inefficient. Instead of fussing over every little thing, you should direct your attention to what’s within your circle of control.

Managing Stress

While gritty people might seem to have unbeatable mental strength, resilience is often more about avoiding unnecessary stress than forcing yourself to fight stress. Adequate stress management also bolsters your mental fortitude, allowing you to become more resilient.

Being optimistic about the situations in your life is a good start for managing stress. While hope and positive thinking won’t solve all your problems, they will help you latch on to your emotional strength even during the worst moments. Always believe in the reasonable outcomes that can appear, even if it seems that there’s no hope.

While grittiness allows you to push through distractions, being gritty doesn’t mean that you have to be productive every waking moment. Find time to balance your life through self-care and leisure activities. Willpower is a limited resource, even for people with high grit. A balanced lifestyle allows you to recharge so that you’re ready for anything. 

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Embracing Adversity

A significant part of resilience involves having an attitude that embraces challenges. Rather than shying from adversity, resilient people actively seek to expand beyond their comfort zones. They avoid fruitless struggle, but they aren’t afraid to take on challenging tasks or try unfamiliar activities if it brings them closer to their goals.

Finally, you should never lose sight of your overall goals. What are you targeting in the long run? By focusing on your life objectives, you’re more apt to continue striving until you obtain success.

Grit and resilience are powerful traits that can make you mentally healthy. While people think of these two as personality traits, they are also skills that you can harness through practice and hard work. By adopting the appropriate mindsets and developing a healthy appetite for challenges, you can start fortifying your mental health with grit and resilience.

 

Helpful Tips In Improving The Family Relationship

It is inevitable for a family to have quarrels and misunderstandings from time-to-time. In a way, resolving these problems is what makes a relationship stronger as time passes. While family quarrels are normal and harmless most of the time, it can escalate if not appropriately addressed.

If you think there is a strain in your family’s relationship, you can start improving this by slowing down. Start by observing your surroundings and being aware of what matters. After doing that, you will have a clearer mind on following these tips:

Listening Is Key

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Communication is typically one of the biggest problems in most households. “Why won’t anyone listen to me?” While you are having these thoughts, other members of your family may think the same thing. Before asking this question, try assessing the situation. Maybe you’re being blinded by your feelings that in the end, you’re also doing the same thing — you’re also not listening. If you get into an argument, try to be calm and keep the conversation reasonable. 

Listening is one of the most critical elements of fostering better communication. It means that you’re showing interest in what your family member has to say.

How can you become an active listener?

  • Focus your attention on the conversation
  • Do not suddenly interrupt when the other person is talking
  • Clarify your understanding of what they said before making a statement
  • Make eye contact 

Talk to your spouse and children regularly about what’s happening in their daily lives. You will be surprised how there are still many things that you previously didn’t know about them. It will not take much of your time in a day to hold conversations with your family. But that time you invest in having a conversation will have a positive effect on your relationship. 

Be Supportive

Another essential part of having a healthy family bond is feeling supported by your family. In order to build a strong sense of support, you must learn what the things significant to each family member are. It goes down in being able to share good and bad news to the family without fearing what they may think. You must be able to support each other through ups and downs.

Having a supportive family allows children to be more open and genuine with their parents. Creating a space where everyone can freely talk about their thoughts helps foster a supportive environment.

Show Appreciation

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The simple habit of saying “thank you” may go a long way in improving your family’s relationship. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. Unfortunately, if you’re very comfortable with each other, it can be easy to forget this and take each other for granted. 

When showing appreciation, it’s not enough to keep it to yourself; you need to show them in words and actions. Make time to attend the activities that your family member takes part in. Be there to cheer them up and comfort them. Being with them physically and emotionally nourishes the bond, trust, and closeness of the family.

Schedule Family Time

As much as it allows, make way for quality time for the whole family. Ask for their schedules and schedule a date that doesn’t lapse. During this time, you can do fun activities together that everyone enjoys. By doing this regularly, it can become a tradition that everyone anticipates. Here are some fun activities that you can do with your family:

  • Play Games Together 

Playing video games is fine, but also encourage them to have an interest in board games or educational games. 

  • Work Out With Your Family 

On your day-offs, you can hit two birds with one stone with this activity. You get to be active while spending time with your family.

  • Go On Vacation Together 

Plan a vacation that will fit everyone’s schedule. It can be out of the country, out of town, or anywhere you will all enjoy.

Eat Meals Together

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While it can be impossible to hold it regularly, dedicate time for family dinners. When you gather everyone around the dinner table, don’t allow the use of any gadgets. Dinner is a great time to catch up with each other as well as give guidance and motivation.

If dinner doesn’t work with everyone’s schedule, try eating breakfast together before heading to your plans. The key is to gather around and enjoy a meal together free from any disturbance.

Do Chores As A Family

Make chores a part of shared responsibility for the whole family. Assign a duty for each family member that will be their regular task. Reserve time on the weekend when everyone can execute their assigned chore simultaneously.

Doing chores together can promote cooperation and teamwork. For instance, when someone finishes their task early, they can offer help to other family members in completing their tasks. To make doing chores more enticing, give a reward to the family after accomplishing the work. It can be by going out together, watching movies, or a simple snack party.

Get Involved In Your Child’s Interests

Families who have strong bonds support their child’s interests and passions. It doesn’t matter how small your involvement is; the important thing is you support them in little ways.

You don’t need to lead them on what to do; merely showing that you care for their passion can go a long way. If you don’t know what to do, you can ask for your children’s opinion. Let them take the lead and do things on their own. Just be there to supervise them.

Conclusion

Give your utmost love and attention when you’re with your family. Spending more time with them is the first step in improving the family’s relationship. The more you take advantage of these tips for healthy family relationships, the stronger you become.

Family Counseling is also an option. At BetterHelp, you are assured of professional help. They offer professional counseling services that can certainly help you with your thoughts and feelings.

To All The Women Who Have Never Been Loved Before

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I finally agreed to watch To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before the other day. I know I am a little late to jump on this movie wagon; it’s just that I have never been a fan of romantic comedies. But my sisters and I have probably watched everything on Netflix throughout the quarantine, and that movie—and its sequel—are the only ones left for us to see.

To give the film a fair chance, I tried to absorb the plot entirely. I did not even pick up my phone the entire time. And the longer the minutes passed by, the more I realized my life was not too different from that of Lara Jean.

For the record, I did not spend my childhood days writing letters to my crushes. However, like Lara Jean, I never had a boyfriend during high school—or college, in my case. I had male friends, but no one looked at me romantically. While my classmates would always receive flowers or chocolates from their admirers, I would get nothing.

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Nonetheless, I realized sooner than later that there’s no reason to feel inferior because of that. So, to all the women who have never been loved before, I say:

Give It Time

Some people think that love should come when they feel like being in a relationship. That typically happens when they see or are surrounded by sweet couples all the time. In hopes of speeding things up, they go on one blind date after another and join dating apps to meet new folks.

Although I have nothing against the latter, rushing to find love will do you no good. Doing that makes you susceptible to entertaining the wrong kind of men or women. When you commit to them, you may not notice the arrival of the right person in your life. 

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There Is Nothing Wrong With You

I must admit that I used to ask my friends why nobody has ever shown interest in dating me. Their answer has always varied between “Your achievements and looks can be intimidating” or “You need to dress up more.” However, I typically shrug in response.

It is not because I am insensitive or don’t want to have a boyfriend. In truth, I get what my friends are saying—most men are into docile and pretty women. But I don’t think that there is anything wrong with my self-confidence or clothing choice. If it intimidates them, then they may not be for me.

That should be the way you react to similar comments, too. When people tell you what you should change in your behavior to be more likable, pay them no mind. It is not a fault to want to be who you are; it will not deter your soulmate from coming near you. Considering it still has not happened, it may mean that you haven’t come across “the one” yet. 

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Work On Completing Yourself

A perk of being single—whether you like it or not—is that you can work on becoming a whole individual. You get to figure out what genuinely makes you happy and what you want in life. You don’t need to worry about anyone else; you can focus on yourself.

Once the right person comes, you can enter the relationship with a clear head. You may fall head over heels, but you are already whole before your coupling, so they cannot do anything that will shatter your soul. 

A Word For The Wise Women Out There

You are free to open opportunities for finding love, but it is unnecessary to look for it like your life depends on it. Even if you have never been loved by a man before, your family and friends love you anyway. Just keep on fulfilling your goals and be the best person you can be.

Cheers!