I know that in our society, the woman who is left behind bears all the shame and humiliation. “Oh, you know. Henry left Lisa because she doesn’t know how to cook.” I also heard someone say something like this about me – “Lisa is not a pious woman. That is why Henry was weak. His wife wasn’t that Godly.” I don’t know where they get these stories, like as if they know so much about me, and they judge me just like that. “Lisa is fat. Lisa is lazy. Lisa is not a good mother. Lisa is not working. Lisa is working. Lisa is not talented. Lisa is NOT in EVERYTHING! No wonder Henry left Lisa for a younger woman, right? It’s because Lisa is a worthless being. Lisa is nothing.
Some sayings might be well-intended, but that doesn’t make them true, let alone easy to hear. Case in point: “You can’t find love until you learn to love yourself.” — Vicki Botnick, MA, MS, LMFT
For weeks after Henry left me, that was my mindset. I was broke, and a housewife since Henry didn’t like me working. And now, I was shocked when my daughter told me that the new woman is a lawyer. Henry hired her for one of his contracts for business, and boom! They made the relationship prosper. And here comes Lisa – fat, frumpy, moneyless, and ugly at forty-five years old. Who would want that?
How could Henry do this to me? How could he forget all our hardships and sacrifices together as a couple? I even helped him with his business when he started it. I was with him when he had nothing until he had a lot. And he told me that I had to take care of the girls while he took care of us. That was how we planned it. But this, now. He left me, and he hates me. Why is Henry doing this to me?
It is a blessing that I am a great mother. Yes, the gossipmongers said I was not a good mother – that’s because I am a GREAT mother! My daughters took time off from their work and traveled hours to be with me and plan everything out – on how I will rebuild myself again.
First, they brought me to a lawyer for advice. Next, they took me to a salon. The hairstylist cut my hair and colored it. They also gave me a mani-pedi. Then, we had lunch, and there, my children poured out their plan.
Social support allows us to feel cared for and lets us know there are people in our lives who can help us when we need it. — Genevieve Gellert, LSW
“Mom, Dad will not get away with this. I saw a note in the attic. It was a promise to pay note by you and Dad to Uncle Mervin. It was to capitalize on his business. It stated there mom that you two are business partners. You will get money from that, and we don’t care whatever loophole he has against you.”
My children facilitated the case while I took a step back and renewed my soul. I went to therapy and also joined a local yoga class. All of it, my girls foot in the bill. “Mom, we got you. We will never leave you alone, mom.”
I’m not in for the money with Henry, although my daughters believed that I deserved half of everything he owns. I want to start over and move past the depressive state that I was in for I love myself now. I refuse to go down the drain.
Self-care helps trauma survivors discover how to calm themselves and find healthier relationships. — Robyn E. Brickel, M.A., LMFT
When you believe in yourself, you will fight and move on from the heartaches of life. And that’s what I did. I thought that I had to live a life that I wanted and if that meant being away from Henry, then, so be it.
I was awarded half of what he owned, royalties in the business, one of his cars, and the house!