My life crashed ten months ago when my husband of fourteen years left me for an older woman. Yes, you read that right – older woman. I know the usual thing nowadays is that 40-ish men would go for 20-something women. But no. My husband “fell in love” with a mature lady who is seven years his senior.
Your partner has ADHD. So what? A behavioral issue may be complicated, but it can be managed. The stress and anxiety associated with ADHD must not ruin two people who are in love. With that, here are some insights on how you two can work on your relationship, amidst the issues and complications.
Tips For The Non-ADHD Partner:
- Your spouse’s ADHD cannot be controlled, but your response is controllable. Avoid continually criticizing them as it will get you nowhere.
- Always be encouraging to your partner.
- Don’t focus too much on their actions but focus on their intentions.
- Nagging and micromanaging them can only discourage your partner.
Tips For The Partner With ADHD:
- Don’t pretend that your symptoms aren’t affecting the relationship or that it’s just your partner’s fault. Be self-aware.
- It’s up to you to manage your symptoms through treatment.
- Calm yourself down when emotions are running high before talking
- Always make your partner feel loved.
Stop Fighting And Start Communicating.
Miscommunication is what makes couples fight rather than solve the issue. To have better communication, make sure that you and your partner have cool heads. Don’t talk when both of you are running high on emotions. This way you’ll find the root of the issue.
Example: A non-ADHD husband comes home hungry, but there’s no dinner yet. He feels uncared for because of how his wife tends to be irresponsible. The wife in return feels judged and criticized. Solving this problem will be easier if you address the main issue first. The husband should know that the wife’s lateness isn’t part of her character but rather a symptom of ADHD. The wife should understand that her husband would appreciate her making dinner on time.
Don’t Bottle Up Your Emotions.
Even if it’s ugly, you have to be honest with your partner. Try to talk to your partner about your feelings since bottling it up will cause so many issues, both physical and mental. Just take a deep breath and release the bad air out. Breathe in and breathe out before you two talk. Sit down and face each other while you talk – no raising your voice.
You’re Not A Mind Reader.
Don’t assume what your partner thinks of you. If you’re upset about something, talk to them rather than making assumptions. Talking is the only way to communicate, with or without ADHD effectively. But again, talking must be done appropriately. No fighting and no shouting. Keep your cool and be calm when speaking to your partner. If you must raise a point, then fight fair.
Word yourself in a way that it won’t make your partner defensive. Be sensitive to him or her as much as you can handle. Some words spoken on impulse or out of context can hurt your partner deeply. It will not fix your situation by being like that.
Find Humor When A Situation Gets Heated.
One day you’ll laugh at these misunderstandings. Try doing it sooner than later. There is no need to keep the pride up by insisting that you are right all the time.
Having an ADHD adult partner is a circus life, but as with the circus, the rides can be so fun at times. You will feel alive when you are with this person. But if the ADHD symptoms act up, and it will creep up when you least expect it, remember the tips mentioned here.
No amount of chocolate can help when you are going through a painful breakup. Admit it or not, sweets, exercise or whatever you read on breakup blogs are just band-aid solutions that can make you feel better temporarily but at the end of the day, it won’t heal anything especially if your heart is broken to million pieces.
What should you do after your relationship ended? Instead of adding more inches to your waist by indulging in sinful foods, there are proven and tested tips that can help you become a stronger and better person after you’ve been forsaken by the love of your life.
Tips to Get Over a Breakup
Get a Makeover
It may sound cliché but having a new haircut or buying a new set of clothes after a breakup is proven effective to relieve stress. Reinventing yourself if a positive way to move on from your heartache.
Leaving the busy city to find solace in the beach or in the mountains can help you escape the things that exhaust you physically and emotionally. If you have the time and money, soul-searching in a far away destination is also a good idea after a breakup.
Meet new people
For a long time, your life revolves around you and your partner, now that you’re over and done it’s time to make new friends and expand your circle. The people you meet can become your support system and help you get through your ordeal.
Do not rush
While it’s okay to make new friends, it’s never okay to jump into a new relationship right away especially if you have not moved on from your ex. It will be unfair not only to the person you date but also to yourself. There’s no reason to hurry, take things slow and do not aim to get a replacement if you feel that you are still not capable of opening your heart again.
Cry all you want
Don’t fight your tears let them flow until you have no more. Just like the normal grieving process, you have to undergo the five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. At the beginning, you will feel hesitant to delete all your photos together or change your Facebook relationship status because you can’t accept the fact that you are no longer together.
Later on, you will feel extreme anger and blame yourself or your ex for causing you so much pain then you start hoping for reconciliation and get disappointed and depressed because you know it won’t happen. To help you cope up, you can check the Betterhelp website and read blogs about depression or better yet get professional help if you need to.
Once all your emotion subsides, you will start feeling a sense of relief. You will begin to realize that maybe he’s not the right one for you, that there could be someone better and you haven’t met him yet but eventually you will.
I love asking small children what they want to be when they grow up, only because the answer can change three times a week, and be delivered with perfect sincerity on each occasion. This makes me feel much better about the somewhat erratic path my own career has followed.
Source: Iliteam.orgFor most of us (yes, that includes me), we wake up everyday thinking of more ways to earn and be able to buy what we want. We live our days wondering how we can succeed and finally be happy. But what really is happiness for us? When do we say we have reached that point of happiness where we can decide, “Yes, I am happy now?”
I think one of the best ways to achieve that happiness is to be content. When we try to live life in contentment, we stop needing more and begin to feel that what we have is enough – more than enough, actually. Choosing contentment means deciding to accept what is and what is not, welcoming joy and love as well as the pain and sorrow that come with them.
But how to do it – how to live a life of contentment – may come with some sacrifice on the things that we want or dream of having. Here are some thoughts to ponder if you decide to choose contentment as a way of living.
How to Live in Contentment
· Live simply. One will know when she has lived in contentment when she feels she doesn’t need to buy more material things that only cause chaos in the home – and in her mind. What you have now may not be rich or lavish, but you have it, and you don’t have to replace it. Then you are able to retain the precious things and at the same time save time and money.
· Commune with nature. Seeing the great outdoors actually leaves us in awe of the many things that are the way they are – miracles. Instead of thinking about problems and other stressors that disturb our flow of life energy, we must think about the gifts we have been given and the gifts we are able to share with others. Then we will be able to feel contentment.
· Stop comparing. When we gauge ourselves according to how successful or beautiful or happy others are, we lose our perspective of being content with who we are and what we have. We must focus on defining our own person according to the goodness of our hearts, the family that surrounds us, and the big and small successes that we and our loved ones achieve. Comparing ourselves to others is a surefire way of feeling unhappy and discontented.
· Continue your journey towards self-improvement. When you continue growing and learning new ways to become better, it doesn’t mean you are a discontented person. It only means that you accept what you are and what you have right now, and you are willing to work towards becoming the person you want to be in the future. Everything you do that would help you improve and develop your skills will definitely provide you with such positive feelings of happiness, joy and contentment.
Putting these thoughts into action and practicing them daily would encourage us to build a routine of living a life contented. When this becomes habitual, we are able to foster peace, satisfaction, and happiness.
If you are having difficulty achieving this, though, you can always count on having someone from (possibly an online therapist) to guide you. A therapist is available online to walk you through how to live a life of simplicity and contentment.
Making new year’s resolutions dates some millenniums back to ancient Romans who offered promises to their two-faced god of beginnings and endings, Janus, vowing to conduct themselves better as they enter a new year. This same deity was also every ancient Roman citizen’s scapegoat whenever they couldn’t follow through their commitments. “It was Janus’ will” was their ready excuse.
Oversized totes and shoulder bags are a woman’s best buddy especially moms. They exactly have the space to carry everything we need when we’re outside the comfort of our homes. They’re not exactly easy to lug around but who cares, right? As long as we have our essentials with us then, we’re good to go. WRONG! Continue reading “Experts: Heavy Totes are Great Health Risks [And Ways to Solve the Dilemma!]”
Almost all people are experts at making excuses for not doing what they are supposed to do. Perhaps, the best example of this are those who don’t exercise because they “don’t have the time”. As it happens, the busiest people make time in their schedule for regular exercise and they don’t skip a workout, if possible. They won’t avoid it, and here’s why:
When Memory Is Not Our Friend
Often, what is holding us back from achieving our dreams is not lack of money, lack of talent or even a shortage of opportunity, but simply the way our own thoughts betray us. Everybody fails at something they’ve set their heart on at some point in their life, or loses something or someone important to them. To some, this happens in such a traumatic fashion, or so many times, that they begin to think that luck will always be against them, or that the world is inescapably filled with people who will always act against their interests.
We all want to succeed. That’s for sure. But to be able to succeed, we need to put on the work needed to achieve our desires. It’s actually not that hard. Once you set your mind to the end goal and you continuously work hard to reach your full potential, you will surely succeed.
There’s no shortcut to success but there are a few tricks on how you can make your life easier to be able to maximize your full potential